Too late for Denial

She didn't know why she felt like that. Myriad fragmented memories flowed endlessly to her mind upon sitting next to a windowsill.

It was a lovely day, but she didn't feel like appreciating it. Recently, she had been thinking a lot, she couldn't stop being feeling confused.

Another vivid memory played like a film strip.

There was laughter, a high-pitched velvety voice, glittering eyes looking past her. Time seemed to slow down and there was a feeling of content. It was a recollection from the time she and her friends were having a meal gathering after class.

Then there was another scene barging in.

Flushed cheeks were slightly covered, whispers and giggles ringing past her ears, unconsciously bumping shoulders in a hot summer, sitting under the shades in a small park. Explicit secrets were being exchange between the two and she felt a bud sprouting, an inkling to always be close to that person.

Suddenly there was dog barking past her fence gate, then there's a snap, as if waking up from a dream, she realized she had been holding her breath again.

Thinking again, why she had been feeling confused lately. Rationalizing that she just treated that friend differently to her other circle of friends, as she felt closer, like a family, to that very person.

Standing up from her seat, she headed to the kitchen trying to find some water to ease her sudden thirst.

Then started wondering why she liked hugging that person, when she herself usually doesn't like hugging at all.

One glass of water, drank hastily, as some memories popped out of nowhere again.

So soft, it felt soft hugging that person. Sweet scented perfume lingering to her nose. Like milk and honey infused, she felt intoxicated. Their frame was smaller compared to hers, and she liked how she could cover them within her embrace. It was warm, so damn warm, it gives her enough security that she could cherish. She liked that feeling every time she hugs that person.

‘Like...’, Second glass of water was consumed. Yet her mind was elsewhere.

'Like? No, that's not right'

'That feels off, I had ex boyfriends, that's not it'

She suddenly felt bloated and realized she had already drank more than two glasses of water.

Her phone abruptly rang from her pockets. The one who was calling her was the one she had been thinking all day long.

Thump, thump

Without notice, her heart started beating wildly. Maybe she felt guilty, maybe anticipating something, seeking some kind of closure to what was those feelings entrapping her but overall perplexed to her instances as she answered the phone.

"Hey Maya, what's up?"

There was a low sobbing noise on the background,

"Sophia, what should I do? I caught him cheating... He.. he was doing it with another girl. Am I n...not enough?"

"What?? Where are you?"

'No... this feeling is not right, It's definitely not it'.