religion

I used to be religious.

Once a week I went to Sunday school. Once a year I went to a Christian sleep-away camp. I made friends, prayed, rejoiced, had fun. It was nice knowing I would never die completely. I loved the thought of someone who loved me unconditionally; someone who was watching over me; protecting me. I loved how mortality wasn't the end. I loved knowing the answers to things science may never explain. I loved the community. I know many aren't, but my church was completely accepting of anyone, regardless of race, gender, or sexuality, and I loved it. I've heard stories of people on the brink of suicide getting rescued by Christianity, and although I no longer believe in God, the stories are touching nonetheless.

But then I started to question things. If God was so loving and forgiving, why did he flood the earth and kill all who inhabited it, including millions of innocent animals? Why did he order infants killed because of their parents' sins? Why did he put atheists in hell, when all they did was believe what felt reasonable to them?

It got worse when my brother told me he no longer believed in God. I became desperate, grasping at every single slight coincidence that might prove God's existence. I argued with him, despite secretly agreeing, because I needed God to be real. I needed there to be a heaven. I simply couldn't believe that death was the end—that one day, I would die, and that would be it. Forever. I envy people who believe in a paradisiacal afterlife. But no matter how hard I try, I can't force myself to believe something that I know, deep down, I don't.

But eventually, I accepted the fact I was an atheist. I told my parents, but they still made us go to church. I value my time greatly—I only have so many minutes—so when sixty of those minutes are unwillingly taken away from me every Sunday morning, it gets on my nerves. I'm even prevented from doing certain activities because it would mean missing church.

Religion isn't inherently a bad thing. But some people make it. Some people use religion to justify unrelated opinions. Some people—few, but loud—demand gay marrages must be banned, or say abortion is unethical just because God says so. I can respect opinions made with valid reasoning, but if "God says so" is your best justification, it's not a good one.