sweet sixteen

there was nothing sweet about turning sixteen

nothing sweet about crying into your store-bought cake

watching the man at the other end of the table

completely ignore you as your mother sings happy birthday

it leaves a hole in your chest that will ache for the rest of eternity

when it's no longer your father looking back at you

but a stranger wearing his face

when he asks to teach you to drive two days before he dies

when he tells you he's sorry for getting sick, for not having long

that he's sorry for not being a better parent

when in reality, you're the one to be sorry

for not hugging him for yelling at him that you didn't have a dad anymore

for being so selfish and entitled not realizing what he was going through

and now he's gone and all you have is that empty feeling in your chest

you only turn sixteen once and there was nothing sweet about it