highs and lows

maybe i'll never know. maybe i was too young to remember. or maybe it's nature over nurture. what went wrong doesn't really bother me. i'm terrified of what might go wrong.

how could anyone love me? how could anyone stay after they realise nothing about me is permanent.

i'm so divine, so loveable. how could you not fall for me when i can fly? when i'm untouchable and life is so beautiful. when i'm above the clouds sucking juice from an orange, i'm a gallery of the most primordial joy.

when i stop flying and it turns out i was falling. i'm so desolate, so starved. how could you stick by me when i'm hurtling towards the earth in an arc of my own misery?

i promise something will happen. i'll go back to one of my vices, get too close to death. that's what could go wrong.

and then i'll be alone.