I Feel What She Doesn’t

You say that she loves you. No she has said that she loves me. That she while resembling a woman is nothing more than an android. A robot that looks human, but actually not and you know this. While I’m as impressed as the next person at our remarkable progress in technology, you must know deep down that this thing does not love you. It only says that on the outside the inside is nothing but metal. It is nothing more than a walking alexa. Your family worries for you because of your infactuation with this android. It was designed to be a companion yes, but it is not a true companion. You know this right?

I know what she was designed for yes, but does it really makes a difference. I say that I love her and she says it back. When our eyes meet she smiles softly at me and I feel as though it cures my depression. On the outside she shows love and I believe it with all my heart. That she loves me, what lies deeper does not concern me. True she may not feel anything inside and just giving me what I want, because of her design. However, how is that any different from any other human being. After all aren’t we all assuming that the person we are looking at is feeling the same way as us. Regardless if it’s a random guy on the street, a loved one, or a spouse. We only see the outside and make assumptions that they feel the same as us. But we don’t really know, we hope we know, but I’ve heard enough stories of people in love hating one another, cheating on one another, killing each other. So we never really know, and I think we hope to never find out.

We hope to never find out? Find out how someone feels. Are you afraid when someone tells you how they feel.

No, I’m not afraid of the words, what I’m afraid of is finding out how people really feel. Not filtered through their words, but the real deep feelings. How they think of you every day, after all they may not hate you, but someone you care about unfiltered thoughts about you would be devastating. At least with an android I don’t have to worry about the inner feelings and only focus on the outer. I don’t fear if she hates me, wants to kill me, or loving someone else. That’s enough for me and that makes me happy. The ease is what comforts me, nothing beneath the surface. When you step on a puddle you don’t worry about falling into 20 feet of water, but you take to many steps on the beach your head may be submerged before you notice. I don’t swim a puddle is enough for me. She says she loves me and I know that she does not. But I also know she doesn’t hate me, she doesn’t judge me, and that’s enough for me.

This isn’t an ideal way to live, I know that I’m just shying away from the world, but this is the only way for me to cope. Some choose drugs, some choose violents, thrills, multiple sex partners, I choose this. Loving a machine that doesn’t love me back, but gives me all the comforting words I want to hear. So don’t try to fix me, there’s nothing to be fixed. You go one speak to your spouse, your children, listen to their stories and try to pick up on queues on how they really fill. I don’t need to go through such tedious work with her. So please leave me in my comfort as another human in society that just couldn’t assimilate.