I didn’t want to die I had to

i read through my will, I mean my poems , and I laughed not because it was funny, i stopped laughing at my mental illness years ago , but because If ended this unending river of darkness that tears at my mind and slowly turns every good memory bad , everyone would be shock , unless you read my life story, let’s call it that . But i noticed no one like my lyrics anymore, has everyone shifted Melodies , did you all grow out of feeling the way I do , did you all get friends who saved you , did you— fall in love , if you did can u teach me ,it was etched into my brain that men are bad and i know that it’s not all but when everyone tell you something your whole life you belo and even when you know it doesnt change what you believe