It’s a little more complicated than that...

"We run into the problem of definitions with this little conundrum." He said, leaning back in his leather easy chair, puffing on his pipe. "For there are several different meanings to the word 'brownie'.

"I'll cover just the three that spring instantly to mind and answer your questions in turn for each of them."

"1: Do brownies exist?

"Of course.

"Are they a tangible phenomenon?

"As a small, rectangular chocolate flavoured fudgey delight, of course they are. It'd be a little difficult to enjoy them if they were imaginary.

"Can you quantify them?

"I wouldn't even care to try to come up with an estimate. Millions must be made each day and I'm not a professor of baking.

"Why aren't you eating one?"

He reached for his plate and plucked up a sweet treat, taking a bite. "That's simple, because I'm eating a profiterole."

"2: Do brownies exist?

"Of course."

"Are they a tangible phenomenon?

"Most certainly. I've met a few people who were members, my sister included. As some of the audience may not be from the United Kingdom, a brownie in this sense, is a small girl, too young to join the girl guides. The female equivalent of a cub scout, though, I have heard the boy scout movement began admitting girls a few years ago..."

"Can you quantify them?"

"Again, as someone who pays little interest in youth organisations, I wouldn't care to try. I'm not even aware if they've gone into a decline in recent years."

"Why aren't you eating one?

"Because I'm not a monster? I'm not a child murderer, or cannibal?"

"3: Do brownies exist?

"This is a problematic question to which the best answer is, unlikely.. It is however, impossible to prove a negative. I would personally say no, but many people still believe in fairies, so, who knows? Maybe they do.

"Are they a tangible phenomenon?

"If they exist, they are reputed to be on the helpful end of the faerie spectrum, and they wouldn't be able to help much if they couldn't move things about, so., if they exist, yes. But as I don't think they do, I'll say no, they're just fairy stories. The result of an overactive imagination. So no."

"Can you quantify them?

"For the side of the argument where they do exist, no. For the side where they don't, yes. There are zero, none, zilch.

"Why aren't you eating one?

For the "They exist" side, have you ever seen a faerie? More, have you ever captured one? If, by some extraordinary chain of events, you managed to, killing and eating it would be an incredibly dangerous thing to do. The faerie folk are, as you've proven them to exist, a notoriously vengeful, petty, vindictive people with access to magic. Kill and eat one of their kind and there'd be hell to pay. Om the they don't exist side of the argument, because they don't exist, of course."