midsummer nights beneath the celestial latibule

just as the walls begin to close in, i grab a hoodie and sprint outside, behind the house, across the road to the meadow. 3:24 a.m. i sit down in the faintly damp grass, hugging my knees to my chest. exhale. inhale. let myself be held in each moment. suddenly the weight of the world crushing my shoulders. the tears are falling freely now.

footsteps behind me but i don't move as you sit down next to me. begin picking at the grass. hesitantly wrap your arm around my shoulders and pull me close. "hey. it's going to be okay. don't give up on me now."

i inhale sharply, swiping at the tears marring my swollen cheeks.

"what are you doing here?"

"i love you." a beat. "i loved you since the first moment that you flashed me that smile, and every moment following."

"no," i whisper.

"what?"

"no. you can't be here right now. don't let me ruin this before it even starts. i don't want you to see me like this."

you chuckle softly. "i want to see you like this. i want to see the real you, facades long forgotten and not caring about what i think of you. 'i love you' doesn't mean that i want you when you're dressed up and smiling, it means that i want you when you're lost and searching, when your mascara smears and the voices in your head are screaming too loudly. i want to love you through the tears and the depressed thoughts. and i want you to let me love you even when you don't feel lovable."

i turn away, but you tug at my chin until i'm looking at you again. you use the sleeve of your sweatshirt to dry the rest of my tears.

"let me love you."

it's the look in your eyes that convinces me.

your hand finds the nape of my neck and you're pulling me into the security that your touch promises. you kiss my forehead, holding your lips there until you know i'm at peace.

i close my eyes and exhale again.

whether it's mere seconds or an eternity, i'm disappointed when you finally pull away. but then you're pressing your lips to my neck and i gasp.

"is this okay?" you ask.

i nod aggressively, not trusting my words.

you trace my neck, my jaw, my temple, until i finally tuck my fingers behind your neck and pull your lips to mine. you taste like bittersweet memories and suppressed wanting, and i want nothing more than to make this moment last forever.

your hands find my waist and you pull me down in the grass next to you as a car rushes by. the headlights fade and we burst out laughing.

and then we're kissing again, and there's only you and me and the infinite array of stars above us.