today and everyday

it's agony now. it's not even sadness. it is straight fucking torture. unendurable. why? i don't know. perhaps i have become soft, weak, feeble. embarrassing. embarrassing. embarrassing. it is all that i feel. for many reasons. he hurts the most but he shouldn't. i suppose his neglect is really what hurts meaning that the pain i feel is unending sadness and humiliation at how low i am on the world's list of priorities, how easily i am and always have been forgotten.