The Life Just Out of Reach

'It was the night before Christmas and all through the house'

He sat back from the keyboard and stared at the blinking cursor.

"No, that's literally "The Night Before Christmas" poem." He said aloud to himself before deleting the line. He took off his glasses and held his forehead in his hands. "Why is this so hard?" He asked aloud, not expecting an answer from the empty room.

"Why is what so hard daddy?" A little voice asked from behind him.

He swiveled around in his chair depositing his glasses on the desk next to the keyboard and swooped the little girl up into his arms.

"Why is it so hard to come up with something new to write?" He answered her in a softened voice as he touched the tip of her nose.

She giggled when he did this, every-time he did this. It was on her list of favorite things after 'the smell of chocolate milk' and right before 'daddy braiding my hair'.

"Maybe it's the unibersies way of telling you it's time for hot chocolate." She said with a huge grin on her face.

"Oh Yeah? You think so sweetheart?" He asked her before tickling her ribs and continuing, "you think it's the universes way of saying it's time for hot chocolate?"

Through bouts of laughter she answered him, "Yes! Yes, Daddy! Hot chocolate! Pepperoni!"

He stopped tickling her ribs and sat her down on the floor. Pepperoni, it was a word that you'd never use while being tickled. It was the word they chose to let daddy know when she was ready to stop being tickled and wasn't just playing along with gleeful requests to stop when you she wanted to keep being tickled.

The smell of the film that forms on the top of milk right before it boils filled the kitchen before being replaced by the sweet smell of instant cocoa as the little girl ripped open the individual packets and handed to her daddy to pour into the pot of milk on the stove. The sound of Christmas carols filled the apartment as they snuggled up together on the couch, drank their hot chocolate, and sang along.

The single string of lights on the little artificial tree they put up every year twinkled with a magic that she could almost feel as her hot chocolate warmed her from the inside out. Meanwhile her father worried about the blizzard outside and whether the heating was going to last the night. And still they sang along as each new carol began and he held her close until she fell asleep. He slipped out from under her, lying her down on the couch and covering her with the blanket draped over the back of the couch. Grabbing one of the cookies off the plate on the table next to the couch. He took a big bite out of the cookie, placed it back on the table, and collected the remaining cookies taking them back to the kitchen and repackaging them.

Three small presents, it's all he could afford this year. It's all he could afford, but he knew inside each of those packages was a glimmer of hope that would help shape the adult his little princess would become one day. With a close enough viewpoint the presents looked giant next to the tiny little artificial tree. He turned off the lamp and sat on the floor next to the couch to watch her sleep. No flying reindeer were going to deliver a wonderous miracle maker to her rooftop. Yet she knew everyone by name, and he celebrated them with her. No magic man in a red suit was going to bring anything that he hadn't bought himself. Yet he would never dream of dashing her hopeful spirit with such harsh realities. Creatures were most definitely stirring; he could hear them in the kitchen as he drifted off to sleep himself. He dreamed of a better life for his daughter, a life just out of his reach.