Reckless
Sometimes, tears make a situation more painful than it could be
Even if the tears are necessary to flush your eyes of clouded vision
I'd rather cry in the shower so I can cleanse my tears
Even though, there is no clean way to cry, It's hard to love still waters and turbulent seas
It's an effigy meaning it's hard to love me
Through the coarsely ground grains of my life I can gaze past my defaults and realize, I've broken more hearts than mirrors but these shards hurt
Like profusely flowing like blood, her tears stain my shirt
Yes, I ignited a fire and ended up burning my own fingers
A fuck up is a fuck up especially when the only thing left is the pain that lingers
Apologies aren't enough to erase any amount of pain
What's worse is the realization that the pain inflicted, is the pain one ends up dwelling in
A beautiful smile turned into a puddle of tears
Makeup streaks still soaked into my fingers and her cries implanted deep inside of my ears
With the contemplation of running to her or far away from her
Standing still shows no effort or will not to lose what's dear to me
Hell, I still daydream wishing she was right here with me
But I lost that, killed that, shattered it and left it broken
I tried to keep myself closed even though I was completely open
Not open enough since I only allowed her to be partially in
I lost, dammit I lost but I truly wanted to win
Is it worth crying for, I guess
I don't think begging will leave a badge of honor on my chest
Reach out, I tried
Called out, and was denied
I deserve that, in fact I'm sure with my attempts I'll never hear back from her
I thought I had no baggage but damn my luggage was packed tight
It exceeded the carry on limit by its weight and dimensions because I expected more of her than I was giving
That was an uneven fight
Why did even think for a moment I deserve another chance
In her eyes I'm nothing more than the typical John that lusted for unattached romance
I love her dearly, yes I love her deep
Now here I toss and turn unable to fall asleep
I stare at my phone for a buzz, ring or blinking from a notification
At this rate I'll just be waiting and waiting
Fuck, I’m still waiting
Oh well, I'll have to suck up my fuck up and be forced to let bygones be gone
I should've showed her better
To late my ship has sailed
And me, yes me I missed the fucking boat foolishly