Meeting of minds

God’s voice boomed around the room, “I call to order this, the 5,373rd annual meeting of the Heaven and Hell Group. Once again, thank you Satan for inviting us to Hades, you’ve organised the event beautifully, the fireworks –brilliant as always, you have a gift! Oh, and Michael Jackson can still sing and dance, though he’s not ready to join us in Heaven yet!”

“Thank you, my friend. Always a pleasure to have you all here.”

God continues, “I’m overjoyed by the turnout again, but we have apologies for absence from Adriel, Dumah, and Samael, who are all overseeing the recent earthquake in Valdivia, Chile. From which, we are both going to have a large intake this time. Sadly, a great many children are included, and even worse two of them, aged under 9, are coming to you, Satan.”

“How can that be? To be fallen at such a young age. What is the World coming to?”

“I know, they were in an awfully poor area, their parents in the drug trade etcetera, but to be truly evil at such an age is horrendous. How are you set for such a young intake, Satan?”

The Devil considered for a moment, before replying, “Well, I think. Azrael has been setting up a new area for me, on the expectation of a younger intake, is that right Az?”

“Yes Sir, its fully set up and we’ve been testing it with some younger teens, and it appears to be working well. They’ve been screaming in anguish for hours at a time, and we are getting genuine results in sending some back up to Heaven.”

God spoke up, “Gabriel, I understand that you’ve been integrating the former Hell denizens following Azrael’s new routines. How are they settling in?”

“Well, my Lord, they are some of the best intake that we’ve had. The despair that Az creates truly burns the evil from them, and they settle in brilliantly with those who went straight in to Heaven. Satan’s decisions on the process, and Az bringing that plan in to action was perfection,” Gabriel replies.

Satan speaks up, “We’ve had a disturbing number of celebrities recently, coming in to both camps, and at a stupidly young age. What’s going on up there on Earth?”

“It is unfortunate, it seems to have been a bad year for them so far, but oh I did have to laugh when I saw people offering up ‘The Kardashian’s’ as Human sacrifice instead of my taking some Attenborough fellow. As if I choose when they die,” God laughs out loud as he replies.

“I know; you think it’s bad for you? I get blamed for everything that goes wrong, for every evil act that Mankind brings upon itself. Oh, but I do get the better T.V.! Did you see ‘Lucifer’?”

“Did I ever, it was hilarious. As if you’d ever have a morality issue. If people are evil then you smite them without conscience or care, whether you are down here, or up on the surface. But, oh I am so sick of ‘Songs of Praise’, I so much prefer the Glastonbury Music Festival; Metallica were headlining again, top stuff,” God spoke with joy.

“Can’t we go out on Earth again? It was so much fun the last couple of times,” Azrael asked.

“Last time Mount Vesuvius erupted, destroying Pompeii. And the time before that Satan managed to lose Atlantis!” Gabriel responded, laughing.

“To be fair, it was both God and I that lost Atlantis, we were seeing who could throw an Island furthest – and I won!”

“You did not win, you lost the whole bloody thing, at least I kept the Hawaiian Islands in the Pacific,” God shouted with glee.

“Sirs, you are digressing again, can we get back to the agenda please?” Jegudiel chides from the corner; already annoyed by the level of notes needing to kept that were unrelated to the agenda.

“Spoil sport, ok back on agenda. We’ve discussed the earthquake, and are happy with progress to date. So next is a contentious issue, the war that is about to break out in Europe. There are tensions rising between Britain and the rest of the European Union, and this is going to spill over into violence. The civil war in Britain is only weeks away, which will then extend into mainland Europe, with the neo-Nazi parties merging and attacking the normal people.”

“We need to intervene,” Satan began, “I know that you do not want us to interfere with Human self-determination; but we have both foreseen what will happen if we don’t stop this insanity!”

“We must let them make their own choices. If we allow ourselves to be seen, then it removes their need for Faith, both positive and negative. This is likely to be a decade long surface war, along religious lines, and will cause pain and anguish for decades after. But, if we stand in the way, and force peace upon them then this will impact the whole Human Race for a Millennia.”

“Not if we are careful; if I reveal myself to the leaders of the British civil war when they are alone, giving them the fright of their life then they may be convinced to go down another path.” Satan retorts.

“We’ve tried appearing to people previously, and most fell to insanity immediately. Others wrote badly of our meetings, and they still read and believe those stories – many taken so far out of context that The Bible should be marked ‘fiction’! They are so misguiding that they think you are evil, not The Redeemer.”

“This can be changed; we are both here to help the Humans to maximise their potential, and they are no longer the simple folk of 4,000 years ago, nor even 2,000 when Jesus took his year out. They are strong enough mentally to accept us, and learn from us.”

“I will ponder this further, and we will vote after lunch. Barbeque again Satan?” God laughs.