The Second Rape of Dr. Emily Pershing - C2
Chapter 2
I took my time in the shower so they’d have plenty of time to work out the day’s agenda. Thinking about the donuts got me thinking about karaoke and before I knew it, I was belting out “You Aint Never Had a Friend Like Me” with all the pizzazz I could muster without slipping and killing myself. I wondered if other grown men… you know, straight guys… ever sang Disney tunes in the shower. I stopped singing—couldn’t help but continue humming though as I wrapped a towel around myself and made my way to the mirror. I stepped to the vanity and caught, from the corner of my eye, my entire family sitting on the big bed only a few feet away staring at me like I was the biggest idiot on the planet. At that moment, they were right. My first instinct was to keep humming and dancing, flip them all the bird, and kick the door shut. That was plan A. Plan B was to stare right back and suck in my gut so the towel would fall off—that would teach them. I went with Plan C—I grabbed the toothpaste and brush, worked up a quick lather, paused for a few seconds in the mirror, and before they realized I knew they were watching, I turned and roared at them like a frothing wild man. I got the desired screams and shut the door.
Danni had already grabbed my clothes from the closet before I even got home with the girls. She’s like that—always making sure I’m well prepared. I got dressed and headed out; I knew it was time to make it happen… whatever it was. Danni and Kendall were still on the bed when I emerged from the bathroom. I glanced around the room for Ashley and said, “You didn’t tell her, did you?”
“Ah, no,” she said coolly.
“Tell her what?” inquired Kendall with a hint of hope.
“Nothing,” replied her mother.
“Tell me what?!” squeaked the eavesdropping Ashley from the living room.
In a fine trio, we all yelled back simultaneously, “NOTHING!”
Kendall whispered “What is it?”
“We’re going to grab some donuts on the way out… that’s it,” Danni explained.
“Oooh, wow, big deal,” she said sarcastically, “…can’t wait to get a donut!”
“I told you it was nothing. You had to go and get all excited.”
“Whatever.”
“Alright!” I interrupted, “So what’s the plan?”
These innocent little battles between Kendall and her mother don’t really amount to much now, but it wasn’t that long ago when such a simple thing would somehow escalate into days of Kendall not speaking to anyone. I know we’re past those days now, but the memories are fresh enough in my head that I still interrupt when the signs start showing.
“Geez, Dad, chill,” I heard (from my therapist daughter), “we’re just joking around.”
I can only imagine how “Geez, Kendall, chill” would have worked out a couple of years ago. Still, it’s refreshing to see her taking the high road.
Never missing an opportunity to put a sharp stick in my eye, my beloved Danni joined in, “Yeah, Dad, relax.”
I wasn’t about to try to explain my overreaction. Instead, I just squinted and pointed at each of them as if they were the troublesome teenage girls my wife pretended to be. They both looked back at me; again as if I were an idiot, and then burst into the same type of giggling we often hear when Kendall’s friend, Jaime, spends the night.
I surrendered, “Alright, so what do you two hoodlums have planned?”
The giggling casually ceased. “Well, husband o’ mine,” Danni began, “Ashley has her rehearsal for the talent show with Avra and Jinny this afternoon, and I told her she could spend the night at Jinny’s afterward. So, since she won’t be able to celebrate Mommy’s birthday with the rest of us this evening, I told her we would spend some time together—just the two of us—until she has to go to Jinny’s.”
“Ah! So that leaves Tripper and me with hours of father-daughter fun time!” I went in for the customary high five. “Home Depot, here we come!”
“Yeah!” added Danni with a happy nudge.
Kendall was not amused. I got the silent stare with the raised eyebrows—the famed, “Seriously?” look.
“Car wash?” I suggested.
Not a blink.
“Toss the old pigskin?”
Still not amused... I decided to see if those eyebrows were at max height.
“Dump run?”
They were not. She managed to raise them just a tad higher at that suggestion. She used to love going to the dump when she was about ten—those precious days are over now, I guess. Ah… to have a son… if only to share the treasured stench of father-son-landfill moments like my father shared with me. Oh well. I know I’ve still got what it takes to be my little girls’ dad.
I let her off the hook, “You, ah… You don’t want to go shopping at the mall do you?” I asked with the cool, confident look that can only be found on the coolest dads.
“NO!” she rifled back, “I’m not thirteen, Dad!”
I was petrified. That used to be the sure thing, and now I was standing there, again… like an idiot, wondering if I was in the right house. I played it off like I was still joking.
“Well,” I looked away sullenly, “I guess there is no pleasing you. Nothing to do but… practice driving,” I added with a shoulder shrug.
“YES!” Kendall agreed subtly.
“I want some!” yelled the living room.
“You’re not old enough to drive!” Danni yelled back. “Oh man!” replied the dejected living room.
“You understand she doesn’t have a permit yet,” warned my wife.
“Mom!” whined Kendall.
“It’s okay; we’ll stay on the side streets. I just don’t want her getting a license to drive when she’s only had a few months of practice,” I added confidently.
“What if she hits something?”
“That’s okay, we’ll use your car,” I joked.
“Funny,” she said seriously, “I don’t think so. I’m taking my car.”
“What happened to the giggling?” I asked light-heartedly.
Kendall saw her opportunity to change the subject while we were ahead. She grabbed for Danni’s midsection and tickled like there was no tomorrow. “Yeah, Mom, what happened to the giggling?”
Amidst the ensuing battle, Ashley ran in to save her distressed mother from Kendall and me by offering herself as an alternative ticklee.
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