The Process

My heart has written the same story over and over again

It beats in Morse code, pumping out narratives clear as day

I still feel your name in my chest cavity

I'm rapidly extracting every ounce of you left within me

Struggling to wear your false promises on my sleeve

I'm stained red with embarrassment- it makes its way to my cheeks

I feel the heat creep up inside me- I want to scream

How could you do this to me?

You begged and pleaded, let out a list of reasons

At the gates of my vulnerability

They swung open in naïveté

I reserved all judgements, let you get to know the best of me

Let you tighten your grip only to watch you suddenly let go of me

I instinctively reached out for your hand and you turned your back to me

Because you could no longer bear the weight of accountability

My heart speaks to me in Morse code

Urgently tapping out an SOS in the form of panic attacks

I struggle to regain composure and try to relax

I inhale whatever is left of my pride

I don't bother to get down on my knees and scoop up the last of our memories

I delete phone conversations and call logs

Time stamped to remind me how much was wasted-

Let's face it

You will never find anything close to a replacement

I'm complacent

I'm not letting you turn me into your twisted permanent vacation