Reality

My muscles twitch as the last of the lingering caffeine courses through my bloodstream. It’s 3 something a.m. and I know sleep is inevitable. I can feel the exhaustion pulling my head towards the pillow, and I know I’ve lost. I feel a thrill in my body as my head hits, and something like a sigh of relief, or acceptance, I breathe out as I slip into unconsciousness.

I knock. He opens up, leaning heavily on the door frame. His friends leave, laughing as they cast backward glances at me. His desk is littered with crumpled beer cans and his breath reeks of intoxication.

I am naive. We move to the bed. Crooning into my ear he tells me I am beautiful. He tells me I am just a tease. I am beautiful. Don’t leave. It’s just a kiss. He places himself on top of me. His weight buries me an inch deeper into the bed and my muscles freeze as he reaches for his belt. My eyes are riveted to the ceiling. He is inside of me. I can’t move. I am frozen, not by his weight, but by some immovable force that I will never be able to explain. I think now I am weak. I am weak, I could have moved. Could have fought back, pushed harder, but I didn’t. He breathes harder. I am beautiful. I am beautiful. I am broken. Help me. And it is over. I am not crying as I leave.