A whisper in the ear…
In the very cold morning
at the dawn of a winter‘s day
I lay awake as the cold
seeps into the house
strong arming the furnace
with its robust thermostat
and settles on the very last
of exposed skin, my nose
Years of practice, with layers
in the day and layers in the night
of long Johns, sweatshirts and sweaters
do not prepare me for the cold that has
encompassed my nose and then
as fear takes my consciousness at gunpoint, shaking it awake
a fear invades a stark slap of fear
hits…did the furnace go out??!!
faster than the realization of reality
a panic forces me to leap from the warmth of my sanctuary, my bed
and in the seconds that my feet carries me to the door of the utility room
my autonomic response halts me at the bathroom to relieve myself and as I do the cold grips my feet as my toes curl from cramping - “How Damn Cold iS it??!!” I shout at no one…
finished I swing the door to the utility room open and hear the water heater light - “ thanks for that!” And I look at the furnace switch ”on” eyes flaring
why arent you working?? I reach over to the electricsl panel in a daze as parts of my body try to catch up with my panicking brain and I swing the panel door off it’s hinge clattering to the floor
Scsnning with sticky sleep in my eyes
and reach the double breaker labeled
“furnace” and feel it to make sure it’s on
i flick it back and forth regardless not knowing what I’m doing just doing enough to be dangerous…”HOW COLD IS IT IN HERE????” I bark at no one, turning my tubby self around feeling my belly jiggle with each stomp
across the cold wooden floor…
I slide to the thermostat and stand up eyes focusing as the flashing words “Low Bat” fill my sight! “Why is it so cold in here??!! “ I hear and Jump from the unexpected intrusion of the very words I used a moment ago! Not answering, “Where are the Double A batteries??”
Thermostatsouttillwereplacethem..For the furnace to start, it needs the DOUBLE A BATTERIES…”
”I don’t know did you bring them home like I told you to last night?? So that’s your answer…(unintelligible mumbling)
*slam*
Jarring myself away from the wife’s reaction “remote!” I scream…
scrambling to the table I scatter the items resting peacefully to the floor
only to not see it. I quickly scan the love seat and sofa…thrusting hands elbow deep like an ob going in for delivery
but not enough then the flip of the cushions and then the sound of my wife
“…and another thing, when I ask for something it’s not cause I want it I need it and this proves it…what are you doing??” Looking up i say “remote!”
”Clap your hands!” And spins around
(unintelligible mumbling) exasperated
*clap clap* and then as I zero in on the dollhouse right in the living room on the table is the giant sized remote. I grab it squeezing and pushing the cover off a couple of time till it slides with somewhat ease, prying the batteries out
I stomp over to the thermostat
Pulling it from the wall, I push and pull the cover off putting the remote batteries in my left pocket and stomp to the garbage can emptying the old batteries to the receptacle - learning from so many past mistakes…and more yet to learn…
i reach into my left pocket and plunk the remote batteries in…close the cover
snd reseat the device…
59 flashes before me - Jeeze!! I press heat as I hear stomping behind me
”those batteries are just as old so maybe you can run through the drive through after you go get some breakfast cause if you think I’m cooking, we-hell you got another thing coming!”
Hearing the furnace start I look at her as she sits at the kitchen table, remembering what day it was I walk over to her and look at her…”what? You can forget that one buddy!”
I take her hand and pull her up and she says “uh uh” and I merely whisper in her ear as she giggles…”Happy 20th Anniversary, Hottie”