New Year’s Day Ponderings

It’s New Year’s Day, the holidays are past

A new year has begun, but

I’m not sure I’m ready—’cause I

keep looking back, wondering if life will ever be

where I want it to be

I find myself wishing I could undo,

redo, do—

If it’s taken me this long

to be where I am now

(And I don’t even know where I am,

to be perfectly honest)—

What’s another year, another decade,

another lifetime?

I’ll do it all again, incessantly, inevitably,

overwhelmingly

As the human I am and will ever be on this

beautiful, terrible earth.

Mortality is to be imperfect,

bound by our consciousness

An existence of shortcomings, never enoughs,

wishing we coulds, justice delayed,

a quagmire of interrelations, a litany of grief

unfulfilled longings, unrequited desires

a myriad of sacrifices, yielding poor returns

a condition borne on wings of dust,

While our wandering eyes peer heavenward

always, always beyond

And maybe that’s the root of our discontent—

we are never satisfied with being mortal.

What if we gave up the striving, the futile, neverending

rat race?

What if we set aside the hustle? What if

we decided to lay down

the restless need

for achievement?

Maybe one day we’d all wake up and realize

we were never mortal at all.