a yearning for motherhood

funny to think I used to buy the narrative

that children would slow me down

now i visit my sister to see my nephew

and i ache for a boy of my own

how much love flows from me

for this little child?

i can't measure it, can't understand

this care that makes me wild

the knowledge i would do anything

to keep him safe from harm

protect him

shelter

anything

his laughter fills my heart

when he burrows close into my side,

something in me sighs

i'll take the crying

i'll take the heartache

i'll hold him all through the night

the thought of losing him wrecks me

the thought of those little feet still

the thought of him sick, or hurt, or picked on

burns through me to make me feel ill

before i knew

what love for a child was

before i knew what it would unlock

i thought i was better without them

and now i know i was not

it isn't universal

this craving to have and raise and love

but it lives in me

i pray one day

my turn will finally come