(the matrix of this moment)

she could see the rainbow in the veins of her hands, the trees breathing out heavily the mistakes of our civilization. he had a bad trip in the dark and thought of every bad thing he'd ever done. what is it called when we want to be one with the universe while separating from reality, is it an elimination of individuality?

sometimes slipping through the void looks like ordering at Starbucks, having a panic attack when it's your turn. there are so many choices on a menu with seemingly limitless options, which one will bring you the most satisfaction? you're in the Matrix of this very moment, isn't it funny how it all just comes down to just one choice? panic ordering at the last second, being disappointed by not surprised by your failure to be neurotypical, normal.

I'm the kind of person who gets confused at the car wash. I insert my card. what exactly am I expecting? exactly. the void looks like the inside, massive cleaning machines and supplies. anyone can get lost in basic situations that turn sour when you realize you don't know how to move forward. you're supposed to be in neutral but you're in drive, the panic seething, lurching like the bundle of parts underneath you carrying you into an uncertain future, demise.