A Lie a Day Keeps the Children at Bay

Riddled throughout our world are liars, con artists and thieves. They are the politicians who proudly claim that all is well and there is nothing to fear. They are the salesmen and saleswomen on television who state their product is the best of its kind and that you should spend your money on their wares. And, most notably, there are the meddling children who say they want one thing when they really want another.

They want a Happy Meal not because they want the food (they’d rather have ice cream or a fish filet) but because they want the toy it comes with, completely disregarding the meal you’ve paid your money for. There’s always a new toy, a new video game, a new house, a new piece of technology that they want that you don’t have the money for, and so you’re left feeling annoyed and maybe even a little depressed. These feelings are normal; children are bringers of sleepless nights and half-eaten goods. There’s not much you can do. But you can lie.

The truth is, children don’t know how the world works. They know every has a reason for being the way they are but that reason is completely wasted on them. The reason they’re so annoying asking questions all the goddamn time is because they’re actively trying to figure everything out, figuring out the world they’ve been thrusted into. And that gives you an advantage.

The reason people lie to children so frequently is that nothing in their lives have told them what you tell them is going to be false. You are bigger, faster, and stronger than just about any child on the planet, and the fact of the matter is that they depend on you not only for their basic needs but also for your knowledge and wisdom. Without an experienced adult, no child is getting anywhere far in life. According to them, you have the most complete and concise view of the world and its functions, and you are the giver of the knowledge. Because of this, it is incredibly easy to lie to children, especially your children.

If you don’t want to pay for McDonald’s, tell your child a fire started in its kitchen and that you can’t even be on that side of town. When they ask why and how, say you saw it on the news. Give the name of the channel and a reporter name if they ask for each respective piece of information.

Children are susceptible, and politicians know this. They will corrupt your children and turn them into brainwashed machines if you let them. That is why you lie. That is why McDonald’s burnt to the ground.

That is why you lie.