fat (tw/body image)

fat.

it’s all i have been and it’s all i ever will be.

i cover mirrors and hide under my duvet.

i wear baggy clothes and hunch my shoulders.

i breathe in and try to make myself smaller.

but i am still fat.

no matter what, i am still fat.

and it’s all people see.

it’s the first word that comes to mind when they think of me.

it’s what they’ll use to describe me.

it’s what i think when i see photos of myself.

i zoom into my body; fat. fat. fat.

there’s not a bone in my body that is not engulfed by fat.

visceral fat.

subcutaneous fat.

i think about it day and night.

my organs are lathered in fat.

i can feel it in my body.

as i eat i feel the fat being absorbed.

fat.

three measly letters, yet it controls my every thought.

i think about cutting it off.

physically.

ripping the flesh off my bones,

and sewing my skin back on.

i’d be beautiful.

hollow, and perfect.