Surrender

Giving up never feels as good as you imagine it would.

The dejection sets in further than you ever could have imagined. Mirrors become something you avoid like a vampire trying to day walk.

The death knell in your mind is only confirmation of what you already suspected. Perhaps what you already knew. You were too weak to make it. Sabotage was a familiar friend and you can't quite tell if you're doing it right now but goddamn, if your rationalizations don't help you figure that shit out.

I used to think giving up was brave and shitted on people who tried to say it was cowardly to go out the hard way. Now I realize that it is neither cowardice nor bravery. It is unavoidable, omnipotent and the only path forward once a normal human being suffers to the point that they come to the decision -- well. It is the only decision.

People don't arrive at the precipice for no reason. They don't come without transportation. The vehicle that transports you you've likely known your whole life. Perhaps your dad, your mother. You grandparents, or your uncles and aunts. Perhaps they ALL chipped in.

Now they're just mad that you dented it, and that you took it over to the edge of this cliff barely managing not to total it in the ravine below. As you hang over the precipice, the only concern anyone will have is that the rope you're tethered to on the solid ground is fraying.