Inked In Crimson #12 (She)

Daniel,

After all that happened yesterday, I find it a marvel that I am still writing this down and addressing it to you. Yet as soon as my pen touches a scrap of paper, the first thing it writes is your name.

I blew my cover yesterday. 'Safe' is a word I no longer know. I stepped out in the evening, well after our ill-fated conversation in the morning. I needed quiet and calm to regain my lost peace of mind and intended to go to church for no longer than fifteen minutes. The evening air was buzzing with tension, and before I stepped out I ensured that all the unsent letters I had written were hidden with care. Yet when I returned, the door to my three-room dwelling was ajar. I ran into my bedroom to find blank pieces of paper strewn across the floor and drawers shut halfway in haste.

My letters were nowhere to be seen.

Of course, you now possess them. I'd realized you hadn't quite believed me when I denied being a spy. Now you had everything I'd ever wanted to say to you, as proof. Although I addressed everything to you, I feel sick when I think of you reading it. The morning is beginning to warm into afternoon, but I am chilled to the bone. Pages are turning before I can read and absorb what they say. Does this mean you will not visit me again?

I lied to you and deceived you. The only truth I could give you was my love. Every word and every smile was true. Every glance was the most sincere glance of the heart. I might be loyal to your enemies, but I had no hidden motives where you were concerned, none at all. I simply fell in love with you.

I do not know why fate chose this setting to bring us together. All I can say is that this is not a deception as terrible as you may be thinking, or at least, it was never intended to be.

I wish I could turn back time. It has become one of my most fervent desires. I know, however, that what has been done has been done. My letters are with a Union soldier. I have readied myself for whatever awaits me.

What is fear?

Yours truly and sincerely,

Katherine