Simply ranking which phrase hurt the most is almost impossible.

You could say the coldest, most hurtful thing someone said to me, was the first hurtful thing I heard. Because after this, you start to become numb. Each hurtful word gets less, and less painful. However, the bruises they leave are still very much there.

Whenever I look in the mirror I hear,

"Fat"

"Whale"

"Slut"

"Cunt"

They echo in my head like an alarm I can't turn off.

Perhaps the worst thing was when someone I cared for told me I should have said "stop."

Or maybe it was when my mother told me I needed to stop being a victim.

Could it have been when I was taught being gay was a sin?

When people I thought were friends, said they would pray for me?

I guess you could say it was when an older man held me close to him in the dark woods, and my father wished I was "stronger."

There was a time when a boy said he'd rather kill himself than be liked by me or the other guy who said I was absolutely nothing.

It's hard to decide which one was worse.

I'd have to say the coldest thing said to me was "I love you."

Because after you've felt true hatred for yourself, the thought of someone loving you is impossible.

Love sounds like pretty lies.

Lies that are used to hurt.

To take advantage of.

And to kill.