What I Wish I Could Say

Grief is an immeasurable thing

No certain amount of days, hours,

minutes or seconds determine it's passing

You lost someone dear to death

You lost another to distance

Your emotions like Jenga blocks,

One chunk being pulled out from under

Then another.  Then another, and yet another still

Your pain is immeasurable

No amount of marbles, or sand, 

Or bricks could determine its weight

But you let your grief define you

You lost your cool

Then your temper

Then your shit

Your fists flew, spittle flinging from your mouth

You cried.  You screamed

You raged against everyone

Your grief consumed you

Liquefied your thoughts into bile

Grief transformed into paranoia

Everyone was against you

Enemies masking themselves as family

You stole, you pilfered, you claimed.

Family heirlooms became dollar signs

You abandoned your children

Though grown, still looking for acknowledgment 

Still wanting approval

Still wanting a father

But you ignored their calls

Even a grown man still needs his father

But too bad so sad

Not your identity anymore

Not your problem

When honesty is applied

And memories fully explored

You were never there before, not really

The face in occasional photos

A check in the mail for school supplies

Appearing at only crucial events

But not ever far away by distance

You let others handle your responsibility

Watched your children flourish under another sun

While you must feel pride

You're not entitled to credit

You're not entitled to anything

Now you're a shell of a once proud man

A hard worker 

Hands dirty 

Sweat on your brow

Money in your bank

Now you're nothing

Nothing

Less than nothing

You're vermin

You take, and take

You disease all that is good

Trying to infect us with your malcontent 

Misery loves company

But we can't abide

Like a cancer, we've cut you out

Burned you away from our hearts

Poisoned our insides 

Trying to claw our way away from your malice

We're done

The limb cut off

You can fester in your filth

We don't care anymore

Our bodies have just begun to heal

Keep us in remission

Don't return 

Not ever