The Flourish pt.1

When I look back, I can say that these were the dullest years of my life

Outcomes were expected, decisions were made and there was no room for other options

Life had a certainty to it though

I woke up reciting what was going to happen and at night I closed my eyes expecting to feel the same

Others inquired about me and they would say I was put together, driven and at times even confident

But what they didn’t know was the mere fact that I was only getting better at pretending

I spent these years numbing any desires I had for love that had once kept me up all night in my younger years

Eliminating any illusions of fantasies too unreal to grasp

I even accepted the complacency of being ordinary and I ignored any urge towards rebellion

I Ignored all the doubts I had in my heart that weighed me down like an anchor in the water and I tuned out the voice that was speaking to me

I was asleep.

From there, I drifted off

Off in to the winds and easily swayed from side to side, back and forth, high then low, spinning and twirling finding myself lost but still kept

I was controlled-

By every moving object, every moving creature- every single soul, except my own.

I didn’t know where I was-all I know is that I wasn’t dreaming.