Back Home Pt 5

Silence had overcome them. No one spoke, it felt like no one breathed. Each waited for the other to start the dreaded conversation. The low hum of the porch lights, was the only sound heard, the slow rhythmic rocking of the porch swing was the only movement Cathy and Tom made. The unspoken words weighed heavily between them, even though each had a chance to rid themselves of that regret. Eventually Cathy simply couldn't take it anymore.

"Why did you cheat on me?" Cathy's voice sounded like a scream, in the streak silence even though it was barley above a whisper.

"I was scared," Tom answered without hesitation. "I would look at you and see such a beautiful, talented girl, and I didn't want to hurt you. I was too afraid to end things, even though I knew I should. So I took the easy way out, but ended up doing exactly what I was trying to avoid."

"How is cheating on me, taking the easy way out?" Cathy's voice held no anger. She wasn't mad anymore, she just wanted some answers.

"I figured you would break up with me, like any girl would, so then I didn't have to break up with you myself." Cathy looked at Tom, and seeing he was serious broke out in laughter.

"That's messed up Tom," Cathy said through her laughter. Tom ran his hand through his hair, becoming increasingly more uncomfortable.

"Yeah well I know that now." Cathy finally stopped laughing, and the silence once again shed a dark cloud over them. Neither knew what to say, but had so much to say at the same time.

"Tom?"

"Yeah Cathy?"

"Did you ever love me?"

"I don't think so Cathy." What scared her was she wasn't sad, she wasn't mad, or even happy. She was still the same. Nothing Tom said made her feel really different. She didn't feel as though she had gotten closure or whatever. She almost felt empty.

"Cathy?"

"Yeah Tom?"

"I really am sorry."

"Me too." Tom got up from the porch swing, took a step but then turned to look at Cathy.

"Stop letting people get in your way. Stop making excuses and go show the world the beautiful talented girl you showed me. Okay?"

"Okay," Cathy let the word slip from her lips at a whisper. And watched with dry eyes as Tom walked away from her life for good.

Cathy didn't know how long she sat on the old porch swing, staring into the dark, before her dad walked outside. He stayed silent as he took a seat besides her, the only sound the creaking of the old chair.

"Is he gone?"

"For good Dad," Cathy couldn't get Tom's words out of her head, they were on repeat.

"Are you okay Cat?" Cathy finally turned around and looked at her Dad. He looked tired, and that made Cathy sad. Was she the cause of his exhaustion?

"I'm okay." Her dad, not knowing what else to say, got up and walked inside. "I'm okay," Cathy whispered to the dark.

Stop letting people get in your way. Stop making excuses and go show the world the beautiful talented girl you showed me.

Maybe Tom was right. Maybe she was letting other people decide her life. Maybe it was time she just started living. The problem was Cathy didn't know how, and she was scared. She was scared to fail. She always had big dreams. Dreams that included big cities, coffee cups, offices, and high heels. But Cathy was staring to find the big city too big, the coffee too hot, the office non-existent, and the heels too uncomfortable. They never mentioned that in the movies.

As Cathy swung on the old chair she realized her dreams might be changing. She realized she might not be moving back to New York after all.