Chapter 4

James

I snatched the file from Zemo’s hands, looking inside at the pages. ‘Date of execution: May 15th’. I shot him and looked and threw the file into the fire. Sam yelled at me, making me roll my eyes. I won’t let her die. I doubt she’s even done anything these files say. He knows how these rumors are affecting her, and he’s fine with it. There’s so much wrong with him.

The three of us sat in chairs while Eirin played with the paper on the floor, writing the words she loved so much. I’m glad Sam helped her write better. Maybe if we get her talking more, we can help prove that all the accusations are incorrect. I watched her while Same and Zemo talked about the clan. All of this scared Eirin, I could tell. Yori. He’s an old guy, but nice. When he first saw me with Eirin, she didn't tense up in front of him at all like she did with everyone else we met. He took her by the hands and gave her tea while telling me how beautiful she is. I wanted to tell him I knew that already. For someone who people tortured on end, she’s nice and gorgeous. Eirin touched my temple that night, telling me I needed to tell Yori about his son. That was the first time she used her telepathy on me. It was terrifying but; I was glad I didn’t have to tell her. The next day, we arrived at Yori’s home, Eirin holding onto my hand. We sat down, the air thicker than the lump in my throat. Eirin cleared her throat and smiled at Yori.

“Excuse me, Mr. Yori. Hello. I’m Eirin. I believe James has something he’d like you to know. Please, take this information with a kind heart. Also know that he cannot tell you any more than what he is about to say. Thank you.” She smiled again, Yori’s eyes grew wide. He looked at me, waiting. I had to tell him. I killed him. He’s dead. It’s my fault. I’m sorry. Yori stayed silent, staring at Eirin. Without warning, she stood and took me by my hand, leading me out of the home. She stayed in my room that night, helping me sleep. Just hearing her breath helped me sleep in so many ways. The first night that she slept with me, I felt her small, warm, body curled up gently, touching my chest. I slept so much better when she was with me. I think it’s knowing that someone is here and will be there when I wake up.

Zemo is nice enough to give us a place to sleep at least. Eirin made a small bed with blankets and pillows on the floor and pulled her hair up into a bun. Sam turned the lamp off and quickly fell asleep on the bed. Eirin would huff and puff whenever we tried to argue about who was sleeping where, so we did what she was most comfortable with. After hours, she still sat still, hugging her knees while watching the door. Zemo terrifies her. I hate seeing this. I sat up and crossed my arms, looking at her. She avoided all kinds of eye contact. With a sigh, I stood and walked over to the door, locking the handle. I sat back down beside her, glancing at her beautiful brown eyes. With a nod, she grabbed the notebook Sam had given her out from under her pillow. I quickly snatched it from her hands. Eirin looked confused as she reached out for it.

“You need to get some sleep, Eirin. We’re going to be busy and doing a lot of shit while we’re here. You need to sleep.” The notebook plopped onto the floor, making her jump. She huffed and looked away from me. Attitude, we’re getting somewhere. She’s not the same emotionless girl who sat in the corner when I first met her. I pulled the red blanket over her head and stretched out, laying down. I could feel her gently giggling as she rested her head on my chest. The blanket slowly fell off her face, her eyes staring at me. My finger gently touched her forehead, her eyes closing softly. Within seconds, her breathing slowed, and I heard her gentle snoring. I don’t think it even counts as snoring. There’s no sound, just. . . hard, shaky stops I guess. Her warmth felt good. It felt right. She feels right. Maybe this is okay. If I get her to talk and she gets let out of that hellhole, she can stay with me.

In the morning, Eirin and I were the last to wake up. Sam told us not to lock the door as he pulled his shirt on. The door gently shut as she walked through, her hair falling onto her shoulders.

“James did it to help me sleep. It’s my fault.” When Eirin spoke, I saw Sam’s eyes grow wide. Right, he’s never heard her talk yet. He looks the same way I felt when I first heard it. Relaxed, and full of energy. Her voice is something powerful. Sam nodded, walking past her and leaving. She twirled around to me, fear filling her eyes. I laughed and waved my hand, telling her he just wasn’t ready for that. She calmed down and searched through the bag she brought with her. This is what I hate. She can’t be herself while we’re on this mission. Zemo walked through the door, setting a box on the bedside table. Eirin froze, trying to stay as still as possible. He left after I gave him a look. I left the room so she could change. We all stood in the kitchen, waiting for her. When she walked out in a black crop top that hugged her chest while a fishnet like material ran from underneath, disappearing under the black ripped jeans she wore so well. Her hair, pulled up into a high ponytail, was now a dirty blond. The only thing the same about her was the ring on her thumb. Even her shoes scared me. This isn’t Eirin Wessen.

Zemo grinned, leading us out of the house. Eirin walked in front of me. She knew how to act entirely different from who she is. It’s weird, but they trained her to be like that. We walked into a club, blasting music and flashing lights made us squint. Zemo explained we needed to split up and not look suspicious. I made a snarky remark and we all split. I sat at the bar, watching guys trying to touch up on Eirin’s body. Whenever one got too close, she’d whip around and step on their foot. Soon enough, a group of girls began dancing with her, laughing and pulling each other around. All the guys digested me. I bet half of them are married. I saw Sam taking a sip of beer and nodding at me with a smirk. My eyes rolled, turning back to see Eirin gone. Trying not to panic, I stood, looking around. Of course since she looks different, it’s harder to pick her out of the crowd. I watched as Zemo zoomed over to a hallway with an annoyed expression. I followed him.

A man held Eirin against the wall with her hands, pulling at her shirt. Zemo must have seen me prepare to walk over because he threw his hand in front of my chest. I glared at him, returning my glance to Eirin. He was drunk and towering over her with height. He placed kisses on her neck. This is when she snapped. Her knee shot up, hitting him in the crotch. He fell to the floor, whimpering like a child. She kicked him one last time, tightened her pigtails and turned to us. Eirin pushed past us, leaving both me and Zemo, speechless.

“Maybe she should go back into the field.” He smirked, my hand met his throat. Another grin grew on his face.

“You leave her the fuck alone. You know that they’re going to kill her if she doesn’t pass that stupid exam. What the hell is wrong with you? Can’t you see that she’s scared?” I let go, walking away. Sam’s voice rang in my ears.

“That was cute. Badass Eirin. Anyway, got Sharon. We need to go to the office. Of course, we need to go at separate times. Sharon and I'll go first.” His voice cut out. I sighed, knowing I would have to walk through the popping pot of dancing drunks. Eirin did it without a struggle. Once we all were inside the office, Wilfred Nagel sitting in a chair behind a large desk. Eirin stood against the wall, arms crossed as her cold eyes stared at him. He began telling us about the information we needed for the serum's Karli, the leader of the Flag Smashers. Zemo killed him and we all walked out while everyone on the dance floor continued doing their thing. When Zemo, Sam and I sat in the car, we looked at each other. Eirin was gone. Sam wouldn’t let me go out and look for her. Instead he did, leaving me alone with Zemo. Ever since we got here, I’ve wanted to rip each of his ribs out his body and shove them down his throat. The way he looks at Eirin makes me annoyed.

I could feel his gaze through the mirror but I would not give into him. After about fifteen minutes, Eirin returned, her face pale as she sat in the back seat. Sam slammed his door, telling Zemo to drive. The entire way back, Eirin and Sam didn’t speak once. When we returned to Zemo’s penthouse, Eirin walked into our room and locked the door behind her. I knocked on the door, waiting for her. I saw her shadow move around and when she finally opened the door; she pulled me inside, slamming the door behind me. Before I could say anything, she buried her face into my chest while she sobbed. Only now did I notice the long black shirt she stole from me. We moved to the floor, onto our make-shift bed. She stopped crying, her breathing now slower. I watched as her hair faded back into its normal brown. My finger brushed through a small lock of her hair, making me slightly smile.

Sam made his way into the room at some point and fell asleep in his bed. Eirin was facing away from me when I woke up. I searched through my bag, pulling out the small gray box I had given to Eirin. I pulled out the ring she didn't see, sliding it into my jacked pocket before throwing it onto the floor in the corner. I stood and walked out, standing in the kitchen, staring out the window. Cars passed and stars burned high in the sky. I never thought I would smile while looking at the sky. Sam walked over to me, handing the notebook that Eirin had become so engrossed in. He told me to look at the last few pages, then walked away. Sitting down on the floor and flipping through the pages, I glanced at my metal arm, then quickly looked back at the pages. Dark writing filled the page, making my skin crawl.

Journaling. I heard from my therapist that it should help with what I think about. To be honest, I do not know what to think about. It makes me sick sometimes. When I look at James, sometimes I want to just cry and hug him. Did you know that when someone has potent feelings for someone else, they press their lips against theirs as acknowledgement of their feelings? It’s called a kiss. To be honest, I bet I sound like a kid when I say this but; I want to try it. Maybe it’d be weird to do it with someone that only is with me to get his therapist off of his ass, but maybe he’d also understand why. I have to go, James is knocking on the door. I’ll try to write again.

I sighed, while Looking to the next paragraph she had written.

A man touched me. I’m scared. Why did he touch me? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Except for panic, I did nothing. I couldn’t talk. I didn’t talk. Eventually, he kissed my neck. I don’t know why it hurt me so bad. I hurt him back. I felt ‘badass’. I hope I’m using that right. Sam and James say it a lot. Speaking of James and Sam, they have such problems with each other. I want them to get along but I doubt that’s going to happen. I trust Sam more than I trust James, and that’s bad. Can I be normal?

James is sleeping. He grabbed my throat in his sleep with his metal arm. I felt it tighten. It hurt. When he stopped, I turned away from him, trying to stop myself from crying. I swear I could see him crying. He scares me. He really does. I thought I could trust him but he’s terrifying. Sam has this smile that makes me feel okay. I had a dream. In this dream, a man was talking to me and was telling me it’s okay to want to die. I didn’t speak. Why didn’t I speak? Why don’t I speak now? I think James wants to kill him. Sometimes he just stares at me and doesn’t talk. Maybe we’re more alike than I thought.

I cut myself. Is that okay? I don’t really think it is but I read something that said it’s okay but I shouldn’t do it often and clean everything up when I’m done. I did it when James went to the store. It’s the reason I cleaned up everything. Maybe James would like it if I were dead. I mean, he wouldn’t have to take care of me all the time. I’m just a drag. Just a waste of space. Just an oblivion.

I’m bleeding. When everyone else got into the car, I ran out of the back door. I sat in an alleyway and cried. The outfit I wore was torn into shreds, my blood dripping out of my mouth and my knees. When Sam found me, he looked angry. He reminded me of Golfo Zemo. When we got back into the car, I didn’t look at anyone. I was scared they’d all yell at me. The second we got back to the Penthouse, I locked myself in the room and cried, making my eyes hurt. I’m scared. Why am I like this?

I stood, closing the notebook. She does what I feared the most. Self-harm. Shit. I made my way into the room and sat beside Eirin, watching her body rising and falling slowly. Sam, of course, is already asleep and snoring like a pig. I turned onto my side and held her close to me, smelling her hair. She turned her head to look at me but then turned back forward, nuzzling the small blanket by her face. My arms are the only thing keeping her safe and I hate it. I hope she doesn’t hate me because I lo. . .Care about her a lot. A lot. Every time she isn’t looking at me and I glimpse a tear, I feel like I’m going to explode. My breathing paused, listening for hers. When I finally heard her breath, I closed my eyes. I want to hold her hands and pull her even closer to me. I should stop. I need to stop thinking like this. She’s just a girl. I barely know her. What’s wrong with me?