I Find Her

With my confidence to bolster me, I reach the mountain I climb in my dreams. I trained, I studied, I did all I could to prepare for this ascent. Everyone knows I will reach the peak, I earned it.

But I don't. I fall. I fall again. And again. Each time I fall, I lose something I needed to reach the top. At the final fall, I lose hope.

A unique form of "lost" plagues me. I know where I wish to go but it is out of my reach. The destination was all I had. I wait for the universe to take pity. I did all that was asked of me and more, why do I not deserve mercy?

I realize I will wait forever. No matter how far I trek, the mountain's shadow will cover me. Yet, I must leave the mountain behind.

I forfeit. The hardest thing to do, the thing I was raised to refuse. Not if I cry, not if I bleed.

I retrace my steps until I find myself in the past. A passionate child with an imagination. She will walk on Venus. She will invent a new source of energy. She will save the whales. She will climb the mountain.

Except she won't. So I tell her so.

She argues with me but eventually accepts it. But she doesn't dismay. She will still walk on Venus, invent a new source of energy, save the whales, and run a science fair.

When I am lost, I find this little girl. She reminds me failure is not the end.