Who is Your Daddy, and What Does He Do?

"Alright class," The teacher, Ms. Kat, announced to her kindergarten class with a welcoming smile. "Today is day two of Parent's Career Week. I want to thank everyone's mommies who showed up yesterday and talked about their careers. Now we move on to the daddies, and we learn about their careers."

All the children cheered loudly. Their small hands waved like flowers in the breeze as the teacher settled them down.

"Alright, alright. I can see we are all excited." She spoke with qualm tempo. "Like before let's go down line."

One by one each father stood before the eccentric children and talked about their careers.

"I'm a police officer. I make sure to catch the bad guys."

"I'm a fireman. I put out fires and rescue folks."

"I am the mayor of this fine city."

"I run an ice cream shop. I even brought free samples for everyone."

With each new parent waving goodbye, the class roared with praise and excitement. Their easily influenced minds swarmed with dreams of becoming future professions. Yet their was one child that remained. Her father has not made his presence known in the classroom.

 "Now Regan, it's your turn." Ms. Kat called out. "Wait, where is your daddy?"

"My step-daddy should be here any second." Regan said. Her tone mixed with brief confidence and uncertainty.

Suddenly a blast of black fire erupted in front of the classroom. The flames burned bright and hot. The searing heat melted the class' given ice cream treats and glued them to their small wooden desks. As the flame died away, A tall man dressed in a dark red suit, a thin black tie, and dark leather dress shoes appeared before the surprised classroom. The children and fathers looked in awe at the stranger's jet black hair that greased backward forming a pair of bull horns. They also caught note small goatee leeched off his skeletal chin. His left hand danced with a cane back and forth like a creepy waltz. Resting on the cane's head was a golf ball sized silver skull with a serpentine body that constricted around its long ruby-encrusted body. Smiling rows of dagger-like teeth greeted the innocent youths.

"Hey there kiddies. My name is Lu, and I'm the Devil." He said with a bow. "But I’ve gone through many names in many lifetimes. Lucifer, Satan, Beelzebub, the Lightbringer, call me whatever you’d like just don’t call me late for dinner. I am this cute little bundle of pumpkin pie's stepfather. 

"I'm not just a part time daddio and a full time love machine to a rocking hot mama, but I got the craziest job you've ever heard of. I make deals with grown ups, like your parents, in exchange for their mortal souls, and then I punish them for their sins. Speaking of which, how's it going, mayor? Ready for that second term? 

"I'm also what you would consider a prison warden, and a king. I basically rule all of demons of Hell and it's my duty to ensure that every condemned soul spends the rest of their miserable eternity suffering in the most foulest of torments. Don't worry. They're bad guys. I'm also like a superhero too. Look at me. I got magical powers out the wazoo. Can your parents do that? So to sum things up, I have the best job of all of creation. Any questions?"

All the confused children slowly raised their little hands high for the sky.

"Any questions not regarding to the Bible, Book of Revelations, Judgement Day, Adam and Eve, Paradise Lost, Dante's Inferno, Zdzisław Beksiński, Tenacious D, Donald Trump, or The Witches of Eastwick?"

And their little hands slowly slid back down.