Maybe I’m the toxic one...

I ghosted. Refused to pick up the phone, to answer texts after looking for him again. I tell myself that it was his incessant sex talk that turned me off. I mean, he was alot and sometimes it felt that was all he was interested in. But I was a willing participant. I replied, participated, giggled when he sent me "one of those" pictures. But maybe my ego liked the validation. I liked knowing that there was someone out there going crazy over me. It made me feel nice, filled a hole in my heart, kept the darkness away a little. I have a gift you see, I make people feel comfortable, make them want to hang out with me, to spend time with me, talk to me. Perhaps this is the issue, I have been misusing this gift, hurting people, hurting this one. How horrible to realize that I am the bad one, the one toying with other's feelings for my consolidation. And how scary to realize the power, the influence I carry.