The Sound of a Soul Breaking

It sounded like a brittle stick snapping. It isn’t a physical pain, nor an emotional one, it is a pain from part of your soul being destroyed. It is the realization that someone you loved, trusted, and gave everything never loved nor trusted you, but took everything. It sounds like a cliche, but when the veil is lifted from your eyes and you see the demon that you thought was an angel, the feelings of betrayal makes the sound of a tree branch breaking. You can’t cry anymore, and laughter hurts. Listening to music hurts. It is a constant pain- sometimes excruciating, and sometimes a dull percussion like a faucet dripping.

I never understood the purpose of Judas betraying Christ until that moment. Christ suffered to understand what we will experience- emotionally, physically, and soulfully.

We don’t usually separate one’s soul from their emotions, but they are different. They have stolen part of your soul. Any attempts at drugs or alcohol or any other methods to forget don’t work. It only worsens the pain in the long run. So you try therapy, and it helps with the fear and sadness, but not the pain.

You then try what Christ commanded - forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting this toxic person back into your life. Forgiveness means that you understand why it happened and how you can fix the pain that seems to never go away. Forgiveness means that you forgive yourself and can shed the feelings of stupidity. You weren’t stupid, you were kind and trusting. Therapy helps you reach forgiveness, but in the end, it is only you who can forgive and put that pain away and move on. You can’t repair that tree branch, but you can grow another. You discover that when you cut away the dead branches, the new ones will have more life and growth given to them.

It still hurts to listen to music. It still hurts to laugh, and the tears don’t come when you need them, but you look around and discover all the good that has happened since then. You are always grateful that the veil was lifted in time to see the good.