Being Left

I was home alone a little while ago. I can't remember exact dates or even a year, but it was Pre-Covid. Both my parents were gone for the evening, and I was alone.

Everything was normal, I put a pizza in the oven, watched some T.V., and just did everyday things. Then I checked my phone.

My friends were arguing in a group chat, over some trivial bullshit I can't even remember. Basically, everyone was taking sides except for me, who wasn't on my phone until too late, and everyone broke apart and the chat was quiet.

I felt sick and lightheaded because my biggest fear is everyone leaving me. I'm okay with being alone but cannot handle being left.

The icing on the fucking cake? When I went to school the next day, feeling like I was choking back vomit all day, everything was back to normal. They solved the problem in private messages, and it was like everything was brand new.

My thoughts convinced me I would be left, as back then these people were like my only friends. I ended up leaving them later that year because they started to isolate me and I didn't want to be abandoned by them. They sucked, and I have more and better friends now, but those people made me realize my worst fear, so not a fun day.