all or nothing
if you woke up one day
and found yourself unable to speak,
would your thoughts go away?
unable to write—
would your ideas go away?
there are some things we are not permitted to say.
violence, sedition, terrorism:
threats not taken idly.
yet does silence make these things go away?
does not voicing your plan of murder
prevent you from carrying it out?
obviously not.
your thoughts are still there, your actions still there.
unable to be expressed,
but looming
dark
under the surface, waiting
for the climax
when they are finally released
in an uncontrollable wave
like a spray of bullets.
when someone shoots themselves we
cluck our tongues and say
what a shame
while their families say
"i wish he'd told me."
but he could not.
the words were gone.
yet that did not stop the actions,
merely heightened their horror.
to us, it seems
sudden,
unprompted,
mad.
but we did not see
the years of silence
as each cruel thought
was crushed down
and bottled up,
unable to be spoken aloud,
for fear of being seen as crazy.
but when you are silent,
eventually you will be crazy,
all the things you cannot say
emerging in the worst possible way.
blisters upon the palms of your hand
as you stretch your fingers over the flames,
desperate for warmth
but you no longer feel
the burning.
if you woke up one day,
and found yourself
unable, unwilling
to speak,
frozen in silence
as the world marched on around you,
perhaps you'd merely want
to scream
in the only way
you know how.
after all,
actions
speak louder
than words.