Becoming

long I’ve sat swirling within

tornadoes of hurt

invaded by these wounds

which I wouldn’t admit were there

but with a new perspective

I see all the ways

in which I let the hurt consume

but I can let it devour me

or I can allow my body to

expand and contract and absorb this storm

swallow whole this pain

each of my cells becoming stronger survival of the fittest

perhaps that gentle naivety

may be eaten away by the storm

what remains might callous over

but even so what remains will be

strength, endurance, grit

from going through it all

and still surviving

no longer a victim of circumstance

I will see that which I can control

no longer allowing the storm

to tunnel around myself

over and over and in an out

I will not sit within the storm

screaming

WHY DOES IT KEEP RAINING

as all the wind scrapes against my skin

beaten by debris flung from the sky

no more

I will swallow the tornado

use it as a fuel

use it to cut out

some of the soft spaces within me

but I will be strong

still loving

still caring

but I will choose carefully

where I give my love

where I give my care

because all things do not deserve it

all things do not deserve for me

to give and give and give

until there is nothing left

scooping parts of me out

onto a platter for others

I will be reserved

I will be discerning

with that which I give

and to whom I give it to

for this is my becoming

becoming the person that I am

on the other side of the pain

and I will use it wisely

and be a storm all on my own