I walked into my school and swiped my badge,

a burning in my head.

I slow dance next to the m u n d a n e.

I work with the little ones and tell them the secret of coping with your emotions.

They don't need to know that I struggle with this too. But I still do.

I tell them adults cry, I tell them and show them that wounds can talk.

Now you might be thinking, "

Anna are you airing out your grown up thoughts to little kindergarteners?"

The answer is: yes and mostly no

I say it like I'm describing another person. That even adults can cry and not understand why, that even adults can read their limit.

Then I go home and I wonder, "Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life?

I get that guilt that can sometimes occur when working in a Social Services job:

Asking myself, "Am I making a difference, what am I hoping to achieve does this work even matter?"

The short and long answer are: yes it matters, no you might not see the long term effects, but you are doing enough.

And I know this. I. know. this.

But I still wonder what am I doing for myself? Am I doing enough for me?

So my life is a series of questions at the moment. I am trying very hard to find the answer-between my ears, between my heart and my lungs, "What makes me catch my breath with joy, fear, or passion? What makes Anna ALIVE?"

So that is me right now. A detective picking up breadcrumbs on the journey for more.

It will never end, but right now the road seems to be flat and long with no rest stops.

So I guess I will have to learn how to set up camp, find a way to make time for me.

That is me right now :)