Some of My Thoughts, Not (All) Quite Connected

This is something I wrote as The Writer Rin that maybe doesn't make a lot of sense:

It’s easier to self-flagellate than to practice self-forgiveness. You need to grow up before you can get out, otherwise you’re not going anywhere. If you're born you can't be unborn. You can either live or die, and that's all there is to it. And if you die you can't live again, but if you're alive you can make the decision to live life to the fullest, on your terms. You can change your friends but you can't change your family. It's good this way. We're such fickle things, we'd likely swap out the relatives we dislike. And wouldn't that be a terrible thing? To have your family constantly changing, even if it is of your own doing? It's easier to reflect on the past than to dream about the future. I know this because I'm a rememberer, not a dreamer. One's thinking about the past, the other's thinking about the future. It can take years to convince yourself you deserve something. Ask me how many years I've spent questioning myself about the things I know and think I know. I imagine a narration of my life, which would perhaps begin like this: Here was a girl who didn't want to be anything more than what she was, and felt guilty about it. And it would be true. It would also be a not-quite truth. It wouldn't be a lie though. I'm often two things at once. It isn't easy. It's almost as hard as self-forgiveness. Another possible beginning of a narration of my life would be: Here is a young woman looking back at her past. The young girl is within her always. It would be an interesting story, but so would anyone else's. Even if you think your life's been dull, anyone who could watch it would likely disagree. How would you begin narrating the story of your life? And how would you end it? That's it. That's all. That's how I've lived up until now. You've seen me at my worst and you've seen me at my best. I've given you everything I am, and I hope you like it. Well, I'd like it, if you told it to me. Even the not-so-great parts. We all just want someone to listen, even when we think it's simply enough to be able to say anything in the first place. So listen. And remember: You need to grow up before you can get out, otherwise you’re not going anywhere. So grow up and grow as a person and get out there. Get out there and live.