Friending

I like this topic. It seems secondary but is so very important a theme-- primary. I feel Friend is more of a verb conceptually than a noun. A Being rather than an Entity. A Becoming rather than a State. It is the relationship of one Self to an Other.

One is drawn to Others for reasons inexplicable. I use One very deliberately and avoid person, because this relationship occurs as much with other humans, as with animals, or objects even-- odd as that might sound. All depends on personality, more so than human nature. (Friendship is not reserved as a human capacity; and we know that One can be human, and unfriendly.)

My observation is that most people are Interested-- they are adherent to the idea that Friendship is Give & Take. With an emphasis almost inevitably on what is Received. Or if given, then on what is gained from the apprehension of the Receipt. Where genuine friendship exists, there is no such Transaction. 

To me the underlying trait of true Friend is Disinterest.

When you are Friending someone, or something, you do your best and with no expectations of return. You simply have a recognition of the need or needs of someone or something else and attend to it; whether it is being present, giving encouragement, or warning, or sustenance, it is done for the Good of the situation. Almost as if you have an unwritten obligation to that Other. Maybe from a past lifetime.

In the course of this opening up of One's Self to interaction, there is considerable risk. The Other has its own personality and characteristics. You run the risk of having your habits and thinking altered by that Other. A thing which may happen quite inadvertently and to the dismay of the Other, who suddenly finds things that were regarded with esteem to be vanquished in the necessary reaction that occurs when entities, on whatever level, meet. This occurred to me recently. I lost my ability to multitask. And everyone reassures me that it is for the best, that it's simply better to do one thing at a time, for the result of thing; but it is a Loss, to me, because it means simply that less gets done.

As an illustration of Friendship, I offer my Bajeczka. My familiar, whose name translates from the Polish to mean "Story," literally, though it could also be Fairytale. (*This is a true story.) My Bajeczka was half Siamese, half American Shorthair. Solid ginger, untypical for a female. Mackerel pattern. Her only brother, Słonecznik ("Sunflower") was Blotch tabby, also solid ginger. The two were born to our tiny red point Siamese, who my older sister had rescued from a tree with her friend Amy while at the bus stop. We were 12 and 14 respectively at the time. Free to good home, Słonecznik was adopted within minutes of "availability." Weeks passed. Nobody wanted Bajeczka, because she was female and deemed eventual kitten-making burden.

Nobody, I should say, except me. There was something about this cat that was unlike any I had ever experienced (and we'd had plenty, all great). I had this distinct feeling that I had been Friended. That this cat would choose my company even if I had nothing to give, in terms of material things (food, shelter, basic needs). Bajeczka saw me, and sought me, to perch on my shoulder as I did homework, or worked around the studio, or to take a walk in the yard with me side by side for 14 years. I suppose someone might say-- "sounds like a dog." To which I nod--depends on the dog.