Psychopath

What is the meaning of “shame”? Is it that story about Adam and Eve? The one where we pretend that original sin is a thing, but fail to see it’s someone’s cheap philosophy. As a psychopath, I’m not at liberty to say or much less feel anything. And yet, I’ve felt the need to hide from those who proclaim normalcy. How can this be?

What is shame? Where does it come from? Perhaps from that time when I terminated the life that was growing inside. Maybe it’s from all of those times when I gave up my body in a monetary exchange. I’m still not embarrassed enough to flee and escape me. Shame on me, or shame on you? Could the contempt come from the countless encounters of rape? I mean, I know I was too scared to say no. Too goat struck for fight or flight to kick in.

Tricks really aren’t for kids under fifteen. So, is it their fault or mine? Or is anyone at fault at all? How about privilege, or better yet, oppression. How to blame them when they only exist in my mind.

There are crimes, and then there are criminals. Am I a criminal? Have I committed a crime? Am I a psychopath? I am a psychopath. Does that make me flawed, or imperfectly capable of surviving this life?

Vulnerability is a superpower I possess. I take responsibility for who I am and hold others harmless. I do not feel “bad” about not being perfect, and I am incapable of hate. And even with all the turmoil, I still remain of public domain.

Confessionals aren’t big enough to hold the bold of statements coming in and out of my mouth, so where do I go?

Does being a psychopath make me crazy? Does it make me incapable of love? Incapable of compassion? Does it make me incapable of empathy? Does it make me disabled? Of course not, if anything it makes me divergent. It allows me to see who we really are—people who bestow judgement on others. Not that I’m any different. I’m like you too, minus the disgust, the distrust, and the indignation. Subtract the obsession with being “perfectly meek” and you’ve got me, the psychopath.

I don’t conform to a society that lacks empathy, compassion, and love for those who don’t fit into a square box. My heart belongs to the masses. I fight to protect all of humanity, not just the “morally correct”. And all of this makes me a psychopath, but everyone else normal. How can that be?