Healing Past Trauma

Healing past trauma can feel a lot like being tied down to the ground as if you have roots that are uncapable of being tugged off no matter how much force you pull with.

Healing past trauma can feel like you are standing off a tall cliff wanting to jump off but as soon as you jump off and you hit bottom rocks because as soon as you lift your head up out of that water you still remember.

Healing past trauma can feel like you are living an entire lie when life gets too good to be true.

Healing past trauma can be hard to accept thinking others may be judging your every move due to the feeling of not receiving reassurance.

Healing past trauma can feel a lot like asking someone how they are doing because you care but because you also wish they would do the same for you.

Healing past trauma can feel like a chance to breath again but with limits.

Healing past trauma feels like staying quiet so something worse doesn't happen, avoiding confutation.

Healing past trauma can feel like "I don't need anybody & must do everything myself." When in reality all I want you to understand is that "my ability to trust has been injured by others systematically failing me."

Trauma says.. "Put a mask on, control yourself. Find the things that win you any amount of praise and belonging, and make them the focus of your personality."

Healing says.. "You don't have to keep up the performance to be accepted. Yes, there have been people who have only loved you for the masks you wore, but there are other people out there who will love you for YOU."

Trauma says.. "No mess, no nuance. You need to find your place in the world and stick to it. There is no room for you to be your whole self, No one would like you if you did."

Healing says.. "Messy, flawed, paradoxical, YOU. Create a space for yourself to practice being the full version of yourself."

Healing feels like always being observant and being on constant alert with yourself predicting things and being in fire/flight alert.

Healing will slowly ease my inner pain, while also creating more space for the things that bring me the most joy in life.

Healing often comes with experienced trauma with "voice" and "choices" that were taken away at some point in our lives.

Healing will allow me to set boundaries for myself, trusting myself, and most importantly protecting my inner peace.