Not Fulfilling What You Want

All I want is you.. all I think about is you.. and how happy you make me when I hear your voice and how you make me laugh and how I can be myself around you. Smiling so much when you tell me what I want to hear making my cheeks hurt causing me to have pink face & a fast heart. You help me remember the best version of myself that I have long lost a very long time ago. I have had vivid dreams of you before. When I think about pleasing myself I think of scenarios with you. So tired of being in this closet of burden. It's sad to say I feel stuck because of manipulation and that I am only lying to myself by staying. When I lay with him at night in bed I think of you. I think of all the ways you tell me you would please me and the things we would do together. Most of all I long for your lips on mine feeling your warmth body against mine. Wanting you is what fulfills my longing. Without you, I am feeling intoxicated and suffocated. I feel as if by staying in this hell of a trap I am slowly pushing you away. Almost as if you feel I am leading you on for waiting on me when all I truly want is you. Having psychic abilities for when you say something to me I think of it before you even say it to me, it's no coincidence. That's how hopelessly obsessed I am with the thought of you. It's almost as if I met you before but in a different dimension. But, not fulfilling what I want is not an option and I cannot stand to feel this way for too long. It will only kill me inside when I find out that, someone else took your attention away because I was too focused in settling for something I did not deserve. For someone that does not deserve any of my flesh and my soul nor my heart. I can't hide in this dark tunnel any longer. The feelings I have for you makes me want to accomplish more things in life that I have never done before. It gives me an airway to breath for once, something I haven't done in a very long time. It calls me for freedom, especially when you tell me that all you want to do is enjoy life to it's fullest and travel the world. If I stay in this shell I am only lying to myself and to whom I'm with. This must not continue for I have had enough of being sorrow and disrespected, it's time to heal my scars by choosing you as my gratification to contentment in life.