How do you call the bus?

My grandfather used to answer any query to his health or well-being with "Well, I ain't dead." Is this really the best we can become? Longevity sounds like a nightmare. Let me sit around watching everyone I know and care about die while I twiddle my thumbs waiting for the bus to pick me up.

Death is around. This plane is built upon that fact. Trees try to kill other trees. Plants to kill other plants. Animals eat each other, or plants. And people, holy shit, fuck us. We destroy everything with callous disregard of the consequence waiting for some magic floating man to save us from stupidity.

I'm not actively seeking to terminate my experience (though my habits of imbibing may speak otherwise, I guess it's like Vonnegut said about smoking, a fairly slow, fairly certain, socially acceptable form of suicide). I don't jump in front of moving trains, or lay down in front of buses, or cover myself in a meat dress and wander into the local tiger cage.

I'm not really death averse. I don't care if it happens. I planned a "gift" (sounds like a weird term to comfort someone when I pass), for my kid. She will have a decent start (though will be an orphan young), more than I was given. I've no ego problems that suggest life won't go on without me. I've learned through my own experience that people die and the rest of us live. It sucks, but we get over it, or at least keep moving forward.

What's the motivation? That's really the question. I'm going to die. That's not a question. I believe in more. This plane is for experience and IMHO we can come back and experience it again in a different way. I like the concept of Nirvana (not the band, though they did revolutionize music). A return to the GodHead. An infinite moment of infinite peace. I've caught glimpses in my own spritual practices. I could be full of shit. That's another possibility, but either way I have some comfort.

What are we doing now? I'm past the ideals of youth. Shit works the way it does and I haven't yet figured out a way to change it. I try to embrace the chaos, but fighting the power is a different animal. Are we just passing the time until it's time for our ticket? I can find hobbies to fill in the time, but is that all there is once you understand mortality? Even Ozymandius was forgotten.

You cannot command the arrival of your trip to the other side. I mean, people try. How many bullets don't properly connect from a one inch distance, leaving you suffering in a different manner until it's time? Death comes for us all on its own schedule. The best you can hope for is to be active and enjoying this existence and it will come suddenly and silently rather than a prolonged existence which you can only pray will cease.