All thumb’s hitchhiking home from Hancock New Hampshire

(asper this thumbnail finger of speech sketch, circa score of decades ago – early nineteen eighties).

The brainchild idea occurred to yours truly analogous to ache n barenaked ladies as goo goo dolls flash dancing subliminal images conjured by adult oriented prurient productive private prelate practicing Paganini, (starring Jennifer Beals, and her entourage), which glorious fleeting enigmatic dollop permanently impacts upon unconscious of garden variety beastie boy.

Essentially such unshakable dare devilish deed (to venture northward ho... into heart of New England attested by titled trek) done dirt cheap, and securely insinuated itself into all fifty shades of refusenik within my mind on a whim. A rubber baby buggy bumper quirky ridiculous sketchy tenuous word of mouth, viz scrappy piece of information somehow lodged in mine noggin. An adventurous off the grid vague opportunity gleaned while chatting about off the track none paying opportunities with eldest sister man years gone back. This impromptu banter prompted me to hightail out the humble abode of parents, (awash with biting, insulting, scathing... expletive laced ultimatums against this then unemployed twenty something year old only son), and board the next bus to scenic hinterlands hinting, how grand fabulous escapade diminishes chaos to idealistic pastoral picture postcard pièce de résistance tamping down psychological punishment as fait accompli done deal sashay into so natural made nook. Damn fool me! Hindsight (always 20/20) question to return then home (324 Level Road) repeatedly treating on par as menacing denizen. If then only three plus decades ago (ARGH), this conventional nonestablishmentarian (in duh genes of dis gent) scouted out prospects to test mine unalloyed “FAKE” metal. How convenient perched at advanced age to review unabashedly quintessential opportunities ex post facto. Prone to fixate on forsaken prospects, this garden variety gnome addict grubby grumbling gremlin yanks and tries to wrest free of overpowering magnetic kindled ingrown vise grip upon malleable gray matter.

After an unexceptional, uneventful, unessential blah blah blah voyage journeying along one ribbon of fifty shades grade highway after another, every now and again dozing off into light sleep, the eyes merely fixated on altering imperfect squares framing yawning miles of endless approaching topography. A pleasant ticklish thrill undulated, pulsated, electrified as immense landscape yielded to increased expanses of open country, where quaint picturesque ovations narrated magical lambent kingdoms. Many visual feasts activated illusory oasis of serenity.

Upon arriving tired and hungry as some anonymous Johnny-come-lately newly emigrated to colonial America, nary a blues clues decreed hurriedly pinpointing whereabouts concerning the iconic, homeboy generic fellow, whose first and surname familiar sounding nonetheless unknown, who sporadically, needlessly, and hurriedly communicated with me via snail mail (email not yet pervasive) weeks prior. You dear reader would be smarter than me if intent to make secure arrangement, and established definitive checkpoints between parties comprising mission. Thus, no telephone conversation (confirmation) took place.

Hours or perhaps more'n day late and dollar - short changed initial flight of fancy ecstasy. If only logical, normal, rational...preparatory measures taken... ma bell ledger rant - mama wood da charged ah pretty penny for long distance calls. Since nonesuch actions accomplished, no surprise confessing discomforting intuition percolated within mine psyche, and questioned wisdom justifying such rash foolish bravado (mine). Much ado about nothing since events impossible (at least within our four dimensional world wide web) impossible to undo. Subsequently equally as quickly sense and sensibility came as an afterthought, said after the fact reasonable measure for measure parted ways with pride and prejudice. In other words (not Shakespear's), I immediately realized (just as fast ignored) comedic errors of my ways, and pondered all's well that end well purposeless pointless peccadillo.

Long trailways how Greyhound doth trot, but bajillion tickings of clock later deposited lookalike geico commercial fella to destination unknown. Fortunate timing got me driven by cordial earnest folk, where graves o' dead man (indigenous peoples included) trod found little poetic feet (mine) walking over palimpsest well heeled souls, which pleasant saunter shortly concluded part one of jaunt cobbled together on a figurative nib bullied shoestring.

After knocking about three times upon door of singular pseudo dwelling, the notion dawned said rustic cabin most likely sought after domicile. Here, I lazily passed time eventually returned and appeared to twisted the doorknob, which easily yielded and opened into bachelor pad. Just the ideal place lacking lustrous plumbing amenities aside upon visa vis discovering upon immediate scrutiny. Absence of any occupant(s) found me puzzled regarding any hearty welcome. Lack of reception foretold unpromising intimation in league, which then appeared as my unexpected presence.

Disappointment arose (ex post facto) stemming from quixotic slaphappy madly dashing spontaneous endeavor. All things considered being dumbfounded caught me off guard, poised to strike in search of nearest Herman hermits (no doubt holed up somewhere within Green Mountains), whom nothing could surprise.

Upon reflecting what circumstance found me in this quandary, no bonafied clearcut discussion ensued finalizing gameplan. Never once did I assess soundness of plan. Precautions blithely glossed over. Stickler for plotting out major excursions. Nope, not even questionable shoddy telephone tête-à-tête occurred between this country bumpkin and chap, who purportedly unwittingly (urgh prematurely) ejaculated, shouted, and yelped exploit me! If any exchange arose concerning, what I envisioned as some bucolic, exotic, iconic...within the Live Free or Die also identified as thee granite state, si?

Anyway, alone within quasi wilderness (actually quiet quite appealing) induced absolute zero netted results, how to prevent idle hands easily becoming devil's workshop. Silence stretched into minutes, hours, days... Aye just kibitz with hyperbole, but moments awaiting property brother kept mine keen hearing attuned to indicated arrival of a self import looking person. Eventually return of native son, (a bearish fellow dwelling in cozy cubby hole) found his man cave intruded upon by other than Goldilocks. Even after referencing our scant barely substantial i.e. sparsely worded scrawled notes, perhaps smattering of brief missives fielded thru postal service, he appeared nonplussed, and momentarily seemed at loss to appreciate benevolent arrival of this contemplative dude grubby spartan helot . Even minus any glimmer remembering, recalling, concerning... minimal written contact with me, (he denied, poo pooed, under_scored no supposed casual communique between us), but did surmise with twisted sinister sneer, some productivity, albeit to his advantage. Awareness slowly came to light asthma miniature cogs and wheels flickered with stark revulsion courtesy cosmic consciousness. No courage could be mustered, and neither could access raw bits, the constituent ingredients to make powder milk biscuits be located.

Though obviously unaccustomed to enlisting voluntary grunt work synonymous to armchair globetrotting scrivener devoid of attendant geographic forays. Within a trice discernment awoke mine observation nonverbally enlightening scheming thought processes. Methinks, he sought resolution to farm out tedious chores manageable by (guess who) lost in space straggly wayfaring guy, who fit right in among debris. These frivolous jobs involved mindless tasks utilizing sweat equity gleefully squeezed from this shabbily dressed bummer with unkempt hair swiftly tailored similar to latest finger jammed into power outlet. Thus an embryonic mastermind strategy coalesced wringing out beneficial use of yours truly.

This here dazed and confused looking dude (stymied to find stairway to heaven) passively acquiesced without discussing minor details concerning accommodations, food, money, et cetera, which oversight quickly pitched personal welfare (mine) at mercy of raw stylish elements linkedin with these skimpy muscles adorning lovely bones scored by wear and tear associated with almost couple dozen orbitz around the sun. Suddenly, all thoughts of salvation seemed so far away, unless...just maybe, a wishful yearning occurred to harness supernatural capacity for this hotmail wannabe to telepathically synchronize with Euell Gibbons.

Absent any inquiry, nor feedback clarifying lodgings, sustenance for scrawny excuse for bonafide Homo sapien, I submissively, passively, meekly surrendered self to the dictakes of fellow proletariat, (not much robust than this scribe) to become apprenticed as groundskeeper amidst countless tracts of wooded acres, and sole keeper guaranteeing chainsaw functioned optimally, despite being deathly scared of machine painfully loud to sensitive ears. Home for this doggone impetuous joker comprised a tent pitched away off beaten track amidst lions, tigers and bears.

Long story short, the gambit proved nothing short of slave labor, effectively validated after I landed outdoor job painting finished wood trim work, (a few day's paid stint), and forced to surrender chump change. Inclination to serve as cash cow never crossed mine capital one thinker till then, cuz innocent naive zealot here, and main character of this anecdote never ever contemplated.

An about face found this then neophyte adventurer blithely risking life and limb to thumb back to southeastern Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. Majority of drivers angrily sped past this long haired pencil necked geek without second look. Eventually sympathetic trusting souls pulled over (an elderly couple) espying desperado bringing said deplorable basket case one ligament (comprising leg) of Mutt and Jeff journey closer to Collegeville.

One close call with terror awoke sleeping complacency (mine). An intoxicated angry man of color (fifty shades darker darker than melanin) demand I take wheel of unfamiliar automobile. Meanwhile traffic whooshed around us after he stopped his car on George Washington bridge. Furious drivers (man hatted tan - gents) blasted horns, and hurled, nee yelled explicit expletives. Innate Inner global positioning satellite homing instincts (predating implementation of said technology) in tandem with clicking heels warranted urgent accessing excellent outlook to extricate one frightened puppy.

Even if someone would carry me back to ole Virginny, cuz crazy, hokey, okay... random notion popped up, which got me into this pickle your fix. Now Einstein's homunculus needed to repair ill gotten circumstance. All the while cacophony rent coping skills asunder.

Certainly, some harebrained brilliantly divine exit tapping into potential motherlode housing rich heavenly resources. Even mediocre saving grace would ank as more precious than fine spun gold to jumpstart once again an inexhaustible scheme to hatch another deft brainstorm (i.e. superman within me) spelling immediate rescue against threat to life and limb simultaneously mindful maniac did not kill me. Once careering off said highly trafficked critical infrastructure linking outlying bedlam, aye automatically hopped out the clutches demoniacal gruesome hominid, and ran fast as these (then and now) spindleshanks (sorry excuse for legs) plucked to safety applying true grit, I never knew existed within mine corporeal abode.