The False Alarm
Sarah thought she might be sick as she stared at the small, white stick that rested on the bathroom counter. Her hands shook. She set the timer.
03:00. 02:59. 02:58…
She was an idiot. Plain and simple. Really, how could she have allowed this to happen? How could she have been so reckless? This wasn’t her, not really. She was a good girl. The kind of girl that never missed a lecture and always participated in class. What had she been thinking?
02:43. 02:42. 02:41…
Sarah’s stomach twisted uneasily, almost as if someone was tying her insides into knots. Her breath caught in her chest. Her hand clutched at her throat. This couldn’t be happening. Not right now. She had way too much she had to do before something like this could happen. She had another year before she finished undergrad; her summer was supposed to be spent prepping for the LSAT.
02:36. 02:35. 02:34…
How would she tell Kyle? They’d barely been together two months. What they had wasn’t serious. It was just supposed to be something casual and fun, something neither one of them had ever indulged in before. They were both experimenting, testing out the waters before they went out into the real world in a little over a year. He deserved to know, though, didn’t he? It’s not like he was a bad guy.
02:21. 02:20. 02:19…
Sarah’s hand drifted down to her abdomen. She pressed her palm against it gently. This was not how she intended to do this. She’d had a plan; it had been a really good one, too. A smart one. But plans change, and clearly hers was going to have to. She’d figure it out, though, wouldn’t she? She wasn’t stupid—at least, not most of the time. It’s not as if she’d be the first young woman to have a baby while she was still in college. She’d go to her academic advisor; they’d come up with a plan, one that was feasible. This didn’t have to be the end of the world, not entirely.
01:50. 01:49. 01:48…
Oh, God. Her parents. They were going to kill her. They’d both warned her against this very situation. They weren’t naïve enough to think that she’d never have premarital sex. That wasn’t it. But they’d told her to be safe. To always use protection. To never take any unnecessary risks, no matter how in lust or love she felt she was. They’d ensured that those words were ingrained into her mind. How had she forgotten, even for one singular moment?
01:32. 01:31. 01:30…
Sarah heard the front door of her apartment open. It was Talia, her roommate. She’d gotten home from class early. Sarah pushed the bathroom door closed and locked it. She loved and trusted Talia like a sister, but this was something she had to do on her own. She needed time to process this by herself, even if it was only for five extra minutes.
01:17. 01:16. 01:15…
How in the world was she going to be a mom? She could barely take care of herself, let alone a tiny human that would be entirely dependent upon her. Would Kyle help? She thought he would. She’d been smart enough, at the very least, to pick a guy that was worth his salt. He wasn’t someone who would just shirk his responsibilities. After all, this baby would be just as much his as it would be hers.
01:04. 01:03. 01:02…
Sarah looked in the mirror at her reflection. Her skin was light enough as it was, but right now it looked nearly translucent. She pinched her cheeks to bring some color back into them. She needed to get herself to relax, at least a little bit. What was done was done. She’d be helping no one if she keeled over because she hadn’t taken a proper breath since the timer started.
00:47. 00:46. 00:45…
She still planned to go to law school. Sure, it would be more difficult now, what with a baby in tow. But there were daycares on university campuses. It’s not like this was the 1950s. And she had to believe that Kyle would be nearby. He was a law school hopeful, just like she was. She never thought she’d pick which law school to go to based on a guy, but she was quickly realizing that she didn’t really have any other option. She would need all of the help she could get and she wasn’t too proud to ask for it.
00:22. 00:21. 00:20…
Sarah stared at the screen of her phone. The seconds kept ticking by. She’d turned the pregnancy test face-down. She couldn’t bring herself to look at it until the three minutes were up. She was nervous enough already. If she’d watched for the lines on the stick to appear, she would’ve completely lost it by now and melted into a puddle on the floor.
00:10. 00:09. 00:08…
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. What in the hell was she going to do with a baby? This was crazy. Absolutely freaking insane. Sarah reminded herself to breathe. She had to. If not for her own sake, at least for the baby’s. Oh, Lord. That sort of thinking would take some getting used to.
00:03. 00:02. 00:01…
The timer beeped. Sarah jumped, then froze. Here goes. She reached for the pregnancy test. It felt exceptionally heavy in her hand. She turned it over.
There was only one line. It was negative.
Sarah felt such a sharp sense of relief that heat pricked her eyes. They became misty.
For one unexplainable second, an emptiness washed over her. She didn’t have any other word for the feeling except loss. Just as quickly as it arrived, though, it vanished.
She slid down the bathroom wall and landed on the floor with a soft thud. Her insides still felt tangled and her chest flooded with a mix of unexpected emotions.
She had been so worried, and yet, it had only been a false alarm.