impatiently waiting on manifested grace

I will never be able to love God in a way that matters

and I am continually distracted

even by small things

like a stomach ache or a bad mood

which cause me to veer so far off course

that I wonder if I even believed in salvation in the first place

and so with a complaining heart, I began again to beg for something

that I didn't even understand

"Strengthened faith"

sort of an all-in-one blessing.

When the whole time

Jesus is still the resurrected savior

God is sovereignty

and Love has saved me.

What else do I need?

It is frustrating being so emotionally attached to desires.

Takes time I guess