how to calm your 1am anxiety 101

5 things I can see

the almost visible light of the old glow-in-the-dark stars pasted to my ceiling

the faint glow my phone creates on my grey sports bra that's way too small for me

the door to my closet awkwardly kind of open

the shadows my pillows create on the wall

a lot of black

4 things I can hear:

my own heart beating

my own lungs heaving

my own joints popping, and cracking

a ringing that is almost too faint but is definitely audible in the persistent silence

3 things I can touch:

the jagged cracks on the smooth screen of my phone

my almost comforting pillows on my head, and neck, and knee, and thigh

my back sinking into the bed that feels oddly hard tonight

2 things I can smell:

the remnants of candy on my bedside table

the general smell that hot weather creates (sweat, humidity, and false hope of bliss)

1 thing I can taste:

something disgusting in the back of my throat that's a mix of those candy remnants and bile I'm trying really hard to keep down