I feel nothing good left inside me

I have no hope for the future

And I can't see my life ending any other way than suicide

I want to do the worst thing anyone

The worst thing any one soul can do to another

With no reprieve

I lust

And I long

For the ugliest act that a human commits

I am filled with sickness

Which has rotted me to the core

And wish to cut

Deep enough to rip it out

I am a monster, grafted onto the frame of a child

Who's face haunts me in old photographs

Of the last time I felt safe, loved, and happy

I have let that child down for the last time

I feel that death will be joining him/her again

I do not think I want to live

I have failed at everything I ever wanted

And now want for nothing

But this pain and fear to go away

I want to die, I want to kill myself, I'm serious this time

I dont know what's stopping me anymore

I'm sorry to everyone I ever hurt

I'm sorry to the kid who wanted to be something better than this

All her dreams are dead, all his love is gone

I cannot live with this ache

This guilt

And this absence.