Pariah heap - savagely subjecting myself to humiliation

Outward slovenly appearance bespeaks volumes

wordsworth their weight in gold

(exhumed from the pith

of these lovely bones -

beclothed with mottled skin)

presages afterlife of hellish horror

(think Dante's inferno),

nevertheless a respite from earthly torture

wracking mein kampf since conception.

I lived without great expectations

diploid on an impossible mission

set in motion courtesy

triggered pleasure zones,

when natural propensity toward mortality

yielded mutual intense

or paroxysmal excitement

after unbridled love making

between then young parents of mine

approximately circa early/mid April

nineteen hundred and fifty eight.

Begot upon initial cleavage of two gametes

genetic fate decreed upon yours truly,

when nine months later a scrawny boy

traversed thru the birth canal uneventfully

into the hands of waiting obstetrician.

Mother placed me near her bosom,

where I busted thru ample cleavage

nursed courtesy milk of human kindness

until she became high and dry

pacified scraggly baby,

who screamed at the top of his little lungs

possibly linked to submucous palate

split uvula - diagnosed years later

by specialist at Lancaster Cleft palate clinic.

Severe nasality as Aladdin in grade school

linkedin with extreme introvertedness

grist for the role as scapegoat

bully me pronounced

major inferiority complex prevailed.

Suicidal ideation throve

as unhealthy psychological bumper crop:

I cared not a whit for mine body, mind, and soul

negligent hygienic habits - unkempt appearance

abhorred cleanliness, greaseball outlier

videlicet witnessed infrequent visits

to bathing or showering facilities

let hair grow long and ratty, and shaggy

passive aggressive stance

toward family of origin members

sought refuge in mine bedroom

remained metaphorically hermetically sealed

until emerging adulthood

entrenched, fixated, and glued

to aforementioned behavioral traits.

Challenged, piqued, and

tested and tried patience of parents

passed their threshold of tolerance.

Overstayed welcome at 324 Level Road

at the receiving end of hollow ultimatums

browbeaten courtesy damning epithets

fueled glowering hatred, issuing kickass

brickbats, out the mouths of mommy dearest or

papa, silently internalized their vicious wrath.

Smoldering rage within me tamped down

as brilliant comeuppance

did not visit mother on her deathbed,

nevertheless wept profusely

while wailing "I love you" over the telephone,

and every May fourth -

since two thousand and five

crafted commemorative poems,

she always asked

for written acknowledgement

at the least remembering her birthday -

November thirteenth -

from second born and singular son.

No escape from

being called oppressive scatological names,

neither at home nor at school,

and including riding the bus

brutal, short and nasty invectives

assaulted my sensitive eardrums

of course with futility

impossible mission to deflect

blacked banal barbs,

whether besieging me

from so called wonderful,

albeit infuriated parents

continually wounding mine ego,

which pride of self never robust

subsequently such regular

(unleaded) cruelty outsourced to every ogre

witnessed an aggrieved boy

silently pained courtesy

whiplash of words accosting consciousness

submissively accepting battering

haranguing, poisoning, stinging

standing stockstill

forbearance vetting psyche,

the tragedy exhibited

by stoic facade and charade

generating absolute zero responsiveness

from an introverted

anxiety plagued youngster,

who grew up emotionally,

physically and spiritually stunted

scratching out pathetic poetry.