tired

i'm tired

of all the little things

of all the big things

of events happening around me that are out of my control

yet still threaten to topple the foundations of the life i've built so far.

of uncertainty and anxiety

of numbness and depression

of feeling like my needs and desires don't matter

in the face of expectations from my family.

of parents venting to me,

of siblings yelling at me,

of friends not reaching out to me,

of feeling alone in this vast world.

of having to keep building myself up

when life tries so hard to push me back down.

of re-experiencing trauma

when i'm struggling to get by day to day.

of having to be empathetic to others

even though i'm the one who's hurting.

i'm tired of living,

but i need to force myself to keep going.