“i hope you get better”* (for your sake and everyone else’s)

people will be very proud of you when you are doing well. they always knew you could do it. when you sink down they try not to be disappointed. they know they you have it in you to rise up. when you do not, it becomes hard for them to be personally invested in this. they wish you the best.

they hear you are doing well. they are happy for you. they knew you could do it. they knew you were not a lost cause. they knew you could rise above your sickness.

you sink again.

they say “well she struggled, you know.” (they do not say it to you). it’s no longer their problem. “she had a lot going on.” you are forgiven for doing badly and tolerated from afar for doing bad. why should they support someone who is so fucked up and isn’t a positive force for all the people in their life? your sickness is not an excuse.

they will reassure themselves. why should they tolerate you and your sickness. they have to prioritize themselves. they never promised to support all the symptoms. they will support your recovery from afar. they will cheer your community on and hope for a cure for your sake, for everyone else’s sake, and for theirs.

c